maybe i meant broken
pushed to hard
lost along the way
no one seemed to know
or care for that matter.
look into these eyes
no soul. no spirit.
dont' you realize you've become me,
something you want,
can't get away from.
dark shadows, orbits of
hallowed wells.
that makes us stand up and realize
life doesn't fear you,
but you fear the fact of life grasping
all you live for.

trying to get back on the blogging track...

it's been a long while, too long, yet, as i decided i wanted to write something, i really don't know what i want to say.
my mind a funnel, an ever whirling wind of ...well just that, full of wind.

i heard a line from a song, "all i want is today".........yeah, that is precisely what i want.....but really what is that?

each day seems to be a new struggle to get going. I am no longer that engine that could, I am that jalopy, that spits, sputters, and rattles getting ready in the morning.

i need caffeine, and alot of it each day.
i take less and less time in the morning to get ready, as sleep now seems more of a priority. yet...i've gotten more sleep in the last year, than i have in many years past.

i say a small silent prayer every morning before I turn my computer on at work, that no one will yell at me, and TODAY will be a good day.

i wish i didn't rely on 'wishing' so much.

RaNDomNEss

this is the first time i've ever gotten an earache since maybe birth, i never want another one, i feel like i am walking on a balance beam on a pontoon.

i think this has been one of the craziest years for weather; snow till may, tornado's everyday, (no ryhming intended)and yet we are in the midst of global warming.

what exactly is global warming?

lately i crave sleep, reese's, watermelon, perfect fountain diet coke, thunder but no storm, sweet corn, and cold. I am not interested in the interrupted night sleep, but hard out of it naps. fresh reeses' just bagged from the assembly line, watermelon, ripe and seedless. diet coke bursting with carbonation, plenty of ice, and a good solid straw. Lots and lots of cracking thunder, but a gentle rain. I want sweet corn on the cob, the small ears of speckled corn bursting with flavor and nice cold air conditioning, so chilly i can curl up with a blanket and book and be satisfied. I hate waking wrapped in sweat, and sticky. I like the shock my body gets going from the hot muggy outdoors to inside a ice bin.. ahhh... glorious goosebumps.

i can't stand the anti smoking commercials, with fake dummie bodies lined up, or the one million dead, etc... I don't smoke, I am a poster child for pushing the cancer stick to cease, yet I am baffled and mad at the atrocity of those commercials. yes, i am mental.

i love the smell of wet dirt, soaked earth, and new grass, especially after a rain, but yet, i throw profanity's into the atomosphere, mowing my bumpy yard. However, when it's all said and done, mowing isn't all that bad. But why hasn't it been mowed in two weeks?

I realize I have a minor obsession lately with my cell phone, it's at my side all the time, or the inbox tab on my email, i am forever and constantly 'refreshing' it.

I find myself consumed by my facebook and myspace, and wonder what year it will be passing fancy and 'so outdated'..... It drives me nuts when people send me money for buying me, or comments on taking a movie quiz, but yet I heartily smile, b.c. i got a new comment. I am possessed by the internet, due to my lifelines of these two pages. I love bragging my niece up, getting emails, or seeing a new friend request, but yet saddens me to think I keep in touch, only by these accounts.

lately i've had dreams about dolphins, should i be concerned?

I love the way the neon color of a highlighter lights up a page when first dabbed, but i am disheartened by the final stage. It's a drab almost mustard yellow. I guess still succeeds in getting it's point across, just not ...well as pretty.

I've decided lately one of my favorite smells is, fresh doughnuts.... ahhh glorious! I walk into gas station in the morning to get my 'perfect' diet coke and the aroma hits me...I've been so proud of myself, I haven't faltered and grabbed a whole box, or one for that matter of those glazed wheels of heaven. Man I can see myself go weak in the knees and cave soon.

Did you know that I have never had a twinkee, a t.v. dinner, learned to drive a stick shift or had a banana split.

I want to go hang gliding, bungee jumping, backpacking through New Zealand, and have my own studio.

I was told a few weeks back by an elder that I looked like a smart girl, while pumping gas. He told me to add a little water to each gallon in my gas tank and it would cut down on fuel costs. Ahh... I must be a 'smart' girl.

I need my diet coke..

Discovery Channel: I Love the World

seriously does anyone else get this song completely stuck in your head all day???

175 days in.....Make that 178

SO WE ARE 175 DAYS INTO 2008. MY LAND WHERE DOES TIME GO.... THE YEAR IS HALF OVER, AND .....WELL...... I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR .. MY BLOG. NEGLIGENT. I NEED TO TREAT THIS AS A CHILD, A JOB, A PLANT, OR A PET. BUT THEN IF THIS WERE A PLANT, IT WOULD BE DEAD, AND IF IT WERE A PET, IT WOULD BE MISSING OR LIVING AT THE NEIGHBORS. I HAVE SUCH GOOD INTENTION TO WRITE, SUCH INCREDIBLE AMBITION TO DO SO, AND SOMETIMES CREATIVE IDEAS.. BUT HERE I SIT. I CHECKED OUT MY 'DRAFTS' I HAVE SEVENTEEN UNFINISHED RAMBLES IN HERE. LETS SEE IF I CAN CONTINUE WITH ANY, OR JUST CALL THEM A BUST. I FIGURED TO ATTAIN MY SHORTCOMINGS, I COULD AT LEAST WRITE ONE BLOG A WEEK, BUT THAT MEANS I HAVE TWENTYFIVE TO WRITE. SHOULD I KEEP THEM TALLIED ON A CHALKBOARD, ON HOW MANY I HAVE YET TO GO?
IT'S NOT THAT I HAVE TO BLOG BUT I FEEL I SHOULD. I FAILED CHAD IN THE WRITING EXERCISES. DANG IT!!! I HATE THAT I DID THAT, AND NOW I FEEL THE WILL TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
FOR INSTANCE I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I AM WRITING IN CAPS. I FURTHER DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE RUN ON SENTANCES OR THE FACT I FEEL THE NEED TO SPELL OUT NUMBERS.
IF NOT FOR THE SIMPLE FACT, I GUESS I CAN.
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THE YEAR IS HALF GONE. WOW... HALF GONE. I GUESS I AM BUMMED, BECAUSE MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION WAS TO MAKE A DIFFERANCE IN MY WRITING, TO BLOG MAYBE DAILY, AND TO GET STUFF OUT THERE.. AS YOU CAN SEE...... ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FUNNY DIDN'T GET THIS DONE, WE ARE 178 DAYS IN... I KNOW MYSELF BETTER THAN I THOUGHT. THAT IS SCARY.
I WILL POST AS I STILL HAVE A GRASP OF THE REALITY OF WRITING THAT LIES BEFORE ME.
PLEASE FELLOW BLOGGERS, BID ME WELL. I DESPERATELY NEED IT!

GONE ASTRAY,
FLEW TO HIGH,
WIND CAUGHT MY STRING,
LET IT GO, LET IT UNWIND

I LOST MY WAY,
....I DON'T MIND.

NEVER AGAIN WILL I STAY,IN JUST ONE PLACE.
NEVER AGAIN WILL I STAY PLANTED, AND NOT RISE.

PAST TREES, CLOUDS, THE HEAVENS...
INSPIRATION, DREAMS, TOMORROWS.

IT SOARS WITHOUT RESTRAINT, I HOPE HUMBLY.

THE SUNS RAYS KISS THE TREES TOWARDS EARTH
THE PAVEMENT RADIATES THE SOUL,
REFLECTIONS OF SELF, CAPTIVATED.

THE KITE SOARS, I FEEL FREE,
I WISH UPON IT.

YEARN FOR IT'S SIMPLICITY, I CRAVE THE DESIRE, PARDON MY DUTIES OF RESTRAINT.


THE LAST HINT OF RED FADES INTO THE HORIZON
EYES WIDE OPEN, I SEE CLEARLY.

CHAD AND REMI.. PART 1

SO PER CHAD, WE ARE BACK IN "SCHOOL" A SCHOOL OF CHAD AND REMI, I PRESUME. WRITING ASSIGNMENTS PER DE' BLOG. I AM EXCITED, AS I HAVE NOT DONE MY PART IN KEEPING UP THE FLOW OF WORDS TO THIS DARLING SITE. THE POEM, THE LYRICAL GENIUS (HA) HAS BEEN ON SABBATICAL FAR TOO LONG.
I AM PULLING BACK THE COVERS, AND WE WILL SEE IF I CAN KEEP UP MY PART OF THE BARGAIN....YIKES. I ENJOY A CHALLENGE, BUT LET'S SEE IF MY COUNTERPART, REMI CAN HANDLE IT.

I ASSURE YOU CHAD, I AM UP TO THE CHALLENGE, AND IT WASN'T A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS.

WSC STUDENTS PREVAIL!!!

I MEAN SERIOUSLY, AS DR.KEENAN WOULD SAY, "YOU CAN TURN EXCREMENT INTO APPLESAUCE!"