01/14/1954 – 12/18/2007
Olivia sent me a note, entitled my father. I didn’t have to open, to know what it said. He’s an angel now. Olivia’s father Sam lost his battle to cancer. It’s never an easy thing to hear, when you know of someone whose life was taken too early. It’s even harder to swallow, when you don’t know what to say to your best friend, about losing her father. Sadly this has happened twice in my life, and both times I am at a total loss for words. Nothing is more painful, than knowing my friends are hurting.
I feel helpless.
I fumble with my talk, I fumble with my words, but hopefully what I write I won’t falter on.
It seems my fondest memories of Sam; seem to all derive around Nebraska football. It appeared that Sam never really fully understood what he got himself into by taking Olivia and I to the Nebraska vs Colorado football game some odd years ago. Because of Sam’s work, involving team planes, Olivia and I were able to spend a weekend with both the Nebraska and Colorado football players and coaches at Thanksgiving. Sam, not only had to worry about his duties, he had to make sure the two of us were behaving. (Nothing like Colorado Bulldogs, with the Colorado team the night before.) Sam propped us both up in the middle of Colorado fans, wearing bright red. More than once, we had a slight pop to the back of the head to pay attention to the game not the new players, or the male cheerleaders we had met. Our giggles, and our stories, left Sam speechless.
It was then Sam, who took our wayward spring bodies in, our last year in college. Again, I can almost her him mime, never again girls. From breaking his roommate’s bed at that time, to nonstop cackle in the middle of spring break rush hour San Antonio style, Sam never furled his lips to frown, but smiled widely and shook his head in amazement all the while. He learned more about dying hair, two day hangovers, and what we women need than he ever wanted to know.
But.. The coolest thing is, not once did Sam ever hinder us from being the brave twentysomethings we thought we were, and never did his smile cease.
Not to mention I learned the fated tale of the texas armodillo from Sam.
You will be missed Sam Johnson.
Christmas in Heaven
Don’t cry for me, angels sang and carried me away.
Their voices soothing, far more triumphant than all the Christmas carols combined.
The Heavens stars remind me of the twinkle lights that pave the street, brilliant, and constant.
Don’t cry for me, I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year.
Dry your eyes my loved ones, I am among the angels now.
My soul a special gift to heaven, heaven’s exclusive gift to you.
Don’t cry for me, I am with you on this Christmas Day. Look within; I am not so far away.
I know you are hurting, but I am not anymore.
Christmas Angels have catered to me; have given me god’s gift, love and blessing.
I am at home now.
My gift on this day to you and always, will be undying love wrapped and counted for under the tree.
Each of you will know, I am there in your unique way.
I will see you always, I will miss you always, but I am home to stay.
Don’t cry for me my loved ones, I am forever your angel and with Jesus on this holiday.
By A.R.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Running
Footsteps,
harder,
louder,
faster
pavement pressing to both my soles.
Each step a dream.
Movements tangled, wind talking
freedom profound.
Steamy sweat
so calescent, it's cool upon my body.
Each enfold, against the pavement take beating
each stride exceptional.
The left Novocaine for the anguish, burden, mental revilement.
The right, visions for serenity, goals, tomorrows anew.
Each pound against the pavement the same, but each diverse.
My breath burns my chest, my heart pounds so hard, my ears tingle.
The road ahead never ending,
gives course in life's surprises and bringing.
That is running....
harder,
louder,
faster
pavement pressing to both my soles.
Each step a dream.
Movements tangled, wind talking
freedom profound.
Steamy sweat
so calescent, it's cool upon my body.
Each enfold, against the pavement take beating
each stride exceptional.
The left Novocaine for the anguish, burden, mental revilement.
The right, visions for serenity, goals, tomorrows anew.
Each pound against the pavement the same, but each diverse.
My breath burns my chest, my heart pounds so hard, my ears tingle.
The road ahead never ending,
gives course in life's surprises and bringing.
That is running....
Stay...
found a portion of something I wrote a while back, but never finished....
Stay
I envision
bright path
come back to me,
home to stay.
If I asked you to stay,
would that be ok?
I'll never let you go
you'll never be alone
we'll grow old,
the same.
The answer, the need to belong
a call all your own.
I ask you to stay, so nights alone won't replay
just say ok.
I fear over, I deem necessary,
I just want the chance, to change, the nod
the want of knowing it's not over.
It's cold outside, It's cold inside
Just take the chance
fall for this, fall over again,
stay the night,
just say ok.
Time deals trade outs,
tonights the night, to fall over again.
I'm unprepared, but so prepared for
this.
I'm much more than surface deep,
I can be the impossible,
the dreamer of reality, the reality of daydreaming.
just stay....
Stay
I envision
bright path
come back to me,
home to stay.
If I asked you to stay,
would that be ok?
I'll never let you go
you'll never be alone
we'll grow old,
the same.
The answer, the need to belong
a call all your own.
I ask you to stay, so nights alone won't replay
just say ok.
I fear over, I deem necessary,
I just want the chance, to change, the nod
the want of knowing it's not over.
It's cold outside, It's cold inside
Just take the chance
fall for this, fall over again,
stay the night,
just say ok.
Time deals trade outs,
tonights the night, to fall over again.
I'm unprepared, but so prepared for
this.
I'm much more than surface deep,
I can be the impossible,
the dreamer of reality, the reality of daydreaming.
just stay....
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Bear Butte a must see...
IF I could go anywhere today, it would be here. Bear Butte, in the Black Hills of S.D. My good friend Kelly took me there some time back, and although the name I often forget, the image is forever engrained in my memory. I am awestruck by mother natures hand in making such formations to exist. I sometimes wonder how many people really take time to capture nature's handiwork. Today, sitting at my desk, I peer out the window to the dead lilac bushes that brush my window pane. Often birds perch upon the lilacs and I don't think much of it. Today, however one determined bird kept pecking at the bud, after many failed attemts, the bird finally got what is was yearning for. I need to take more breaks, additional time to catch my breath and watch it spiral to the heavens on a cold winter day, to fully capture the sun on my sill, instead of closing it, and to grasp greatness I have in front of me. Nature is a painted masterpiece, a masterpiece sometimes we truly overlook. ..
enjoy what we have, enjoy what you can see, and for whatever it is worth, go explore the beauty in front of you... even if it means you get caught up in daydream at work.
blessings
amy
Sunday, November 25, 2007
I sing the blues...
Today I got off Pamida early, and although I was tired, I was restless.
I noticed alot of cars on my block, but didn't think too much of it. Until I could hear muffled voices close, thinking it was the neighbors I peer out. Realizing a gaggle of people on the block were talking in the middle of my yard. So yes, the nosy person I am. I cracked the window open, to hear about the holiday's, the weather, sports, and then me. Yeah, what I come to realize, I am the black sheep the outsider. God Bless my neighbor, who gave what she knew about me, and all truth, but then the cut...... I wasn't invited to a neighborhood birthday party because I didn't have children, and there is no way I could relate. Then it hit me.......I will never fit in, because of who I am. Not that I care in the neighborhood realm of things, but what in turn, it made me realize.... People really don't know the real me. 1/2 my fault, but so seriously misread.
I hit the end of a holiday on a sour note..........
I noticed alot of cars on my block, but didn't think too much of it. Until I could hear muffled voices close, thinking it was the neighbors I peer out. Realizing a gaggle of people on the block were talking in the middle of my yard. So yes, the nosy person I am. I cracked the window open, to hear about the holiday's, the weather, sports, and then me. Yeah, what I come to realize, I am the black sheep the outsider. God Bless my neighbor, who gave what she knew about me, and all truth, but then the cut...... I wasn't invited to a neighborhood birthday party because I didn't have children, and there is no way I could relate. Then it hit me.......I will never fit in, because of who I am. Not that I care in the neighborhood realm of things, but what in turn, it made me realize.... People really don't know the real me. 1/2 my fault, but so seriously misread.
I hit the end of a holiday on a sour note..........
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
I am blessed by you....
Well on the eve of Thanksgiving, a special day to be thankful. I am so blessed by so many things, that I am scared to start listing, because I am wary of forgetting someone, but here is goes.
My mother, my icon, my strength, and my idol. She is a woman of so many strengths, that if I am half of her, at 50, I will be honored.
My father, although we argue, and we are both stubborn, he taught me to never back down. I will forever be his little girl.
Jason, my brother, I am sincerely blessed by your many talents and your passion for life.
Jeremy, my brother, who fought the odds at a young age and won, who in turn brought me Kari, a sister I never had.
Grandma Sten, I am blessed by all your will, all that you taught me, and how you allowed me to grow, you've seen it all, and never gave up faith in mankind.
Olivia, my soul sister, my best friend, I wouldn't have made it through the past 15 years without you, the blessing of being so far apart, but never far from thought.
Kelly, every day I thank all of who I am for you. That fateful day in the wake of May, you brought me to surface, and held the light. You know me inside and out. No one knows me the way you do.
Joshua, I am blessed to have known what love enfolds, to have loved you and privileged to still be your friend.
Megan, Gina, and Stacey, I am blessed to have you there through our antics, our games, our tears, and our misgivings. Our friendship and spirit will get us through anything.
Sam, a man I haven't known my whole life, and can trust. I am blessed to have met you, and know you through all your sights.
Maggie and Joe, Through the thick, and through the thin, the m &m's and intervention, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
Jonathan and David, I am so blessed by your advice, your compassion and your will to find me the man! I love you guys!
Ali, my music Goo Ru! Wow, what can I say, we have great taste in music, but we have great taste in friendships too!
Jason, one of the only men to see me cry, and literally catch my tears. The man that inspired me to dance to a diff. tune, to beg the fun Amy to evolve, and to always be there for me.
Hannah, my beloved niece, I am so blessed by you, your smile, your giggle, your presence, engulfs a smile that wholly shines.
Chad, my writing and music man, my advice giver and keeper of thoughts. I am blessed WSC allowed us the privilege of getting to know one another, and blessed the Internet/my space brought us back.
Natasha, my little angel. I am blessed by the amount of energy you have, and how just seeing you gets me through the roughest day.
Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends...
Love and Blessings
Amy
My mother, my icon, my strength, and my idol. She is a woman of so many strengths, that if I am half of her, at 50, I will be honored.
My father, although we argue, and we are both stubborn, he taught me to never back down. I will forever be his little girl.
Jason, my brother, I am sincerely blessed by your many talents and your passion for life.
Jeremy, my brother, who fought the odds at a young age and won, who in turn brought me Kari, a sister I never had.
Grandma Sten, I am blessed by all your will, all that you taught me, and how you allowed me to grow, you've seen it all, and never gave up faith in mankind.
Olivia, my soul sister, my best friend, I wouldn't have made it through the past 15 years without you, the blessing of being so far apart, but never far from thought.
Kelly, every day I thank all of who I am for you. That fateful day in the wake of May, you brought me to surface, and held the light. You know me inside and out. No one knows me the way you do.
Joshua, I am blessed to have known what love enfolds, to have loved you and privileged to still be your friend.
Megan, Gina, and Stacey, I am blessed to have you there through our antics, our games, our tears, and our misgivings. Our friendship and spirit will get us through anything.
Sam, a man I haven't known my whole life, and can trust. I am blessed to have met you, and know you through all your sights.
Maggie and Joe, Through the thick, and through the thin, the m &m's and intervention, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
Jonathan and David, I am so blessed by your advice, your compassion and your will to find me the man! I love you guys!
Ali, my music Goo Ru! Wow, what can I say, we have great taste in music, but we have great taste in friendships too!
Jason, one of the only men to see me cry, and literally catch my tears. The man that inspired me to dance to a diff. tune, to beg the fun Amy to evolve, and to always be there for me.
Hannah, my beloved niece, I am so blessed by you, your smile, your giggle, your presence, engulfs a smile that wholly shines.
Chad, my writing and music man, my advice giver and keeper of thoughts. I am blessed WSC allowed us the privilege of getting to know one another, and blessed the Internet/my space brought us back.
Natasha, my little angel. I am blessed by the amount of energy you have, and how just seeing you gets me through the roughest day.
Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends...
Love and Blessings
Amy
Friday, November 2, 2007
SUFFOCATE
HOPE TOYS WITH ME, TETHERING ON STAR DUST. I SCREAM AT THE TOPS OF MY LUNGS, AND I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT UNDERSTANDS.
I HAVE A PLAN, A GREAT ONE. I HAVE A DREAM, IT'S A SMALL ONE. I WISH, BUT LIKE MY HOPE IT IS BRUSHED IN STAR DUST.
IF I COULD TURN BACK THE YEARS, LEARN TO STAND UP, OR KNOW WHAT I SAY. I AM AN EMOTIONAL DISARRAY, MY HEAD HURTS. I THINK UGLY, I HURT AND YOU LIKE IT THAT WAY.
I WANT TO WALK AWAY, I HAVE WALKED AWAY, BUT THEN I STAY.
NEVER TOGETHER, NEVER APART. THIS IS MORE THAN JUST WORDS, MORE THAN EMOTION. I CAN SMILE AND CRY AT THE SAME TIME.
PLEASE ABOLISH MY MEMORY, ATTAIN A NEW DIRECTION.
I HAVE SUFFOCATED.
I HAVE A PLAN, A GREAT ONE. I HAVE A DREAM, IT'S A SMALL ONE. I WISH, BUT LIKE MY HOPE IT IS BRUSHED IN STAR DUST.
IF I COULD TURN BACK THE YEARS, LEARN TO STAND UP, OR KNOW WHAT I SAY. I AM AN EMOTIONAL DISARRAY, MY HEAD HURTS. I THINK UGLY, I HURT AND YOU LIKE IT THAT WAY.
I WANT TO WALK AWAY, I HAVE WALKED AWAY, BUT THEN I STAY.
NEVER TOGETHER, NEVER APART. THIS IS MORE THAN JUST WORDS, MORE THAN EMOTION. I CAN SMILE AND CRY AT THE SAME TIME.
PLEASE ABOLISH MY MEMORY, ATTAIN A NEW DIRECTION.
I HAVE SUFFOCATED.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
it's a new month
thrown away from you
i bounce back
a deep desire, i've let myself fall for.
i assure i am the one, the complete in the smile
the warmth in a once cold embrace.
raindrops to tears
lives to fear
fingertips eloquently tangle the ivory
i envision the music loud and poetic.
to stay, to run, to fall, or spring
i can't remember the season i awakened to last.
the speak in what was spoken, i know i will and shall forever be okay.
tomorrow, lives not for yesterday
but tomorrow is lived for, for today.
i bounce back
a deep desire, i've let myself fall for.
i assure i am the one, the complete in the smile
the warmth in a once cold embrace.
raindrops to tears
lives to fear
fingertips eloquently tangle the ivory
i envision the music loud and poetic.
to stay, to run, to fall, or spring
i can't remember the season i awakened to last.
the speak in what was spoken, i know i will and shall forever be okay.
tomorrow, lives not for yesterday
but tomorrow is lived for, for today.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
bobble heading.. but not for apples..
I suppose it is a sign that I should not blog today, when I tried unsuccessfully 3 times to get into it. Thus shutting my computer down.
It's Halloween! I wish tricks and treats for everyone. It's a beautiful fall day, and although the mercury will drop this evening, today is remarkable.
Today I feel like a bobble head. Really... I am still going, but I need the push to keep going. Of course looking silly doing it. Imagine it now, someone tapping my nose to make my head waggle..
I'm offtrack with my mood today as well. I'm recumbent and well spacey. I eagerly anticipate seeing the three girls in my life later today though. Miss Hannah, my niece, Miss Natasha, and Miss Samantha Joe. Ahh the three rays of sunshine.
My friend Chad gave me this incredible blogging idea, and well, my brain just isn't functioning on all cylinders.. (remember, bobble head)
Maybe tomorrow, for a post Halloween idea.
Sidestepping and going with the bobble head effect, I am listening to Five for Fighting, and the song, 100 years. It's soothes the soul and such a time line in recourse for life. Chasing life, living life, and in moments, losing yourself. All in all learning great life lessons, in the 100 years you have to life. (poetically speaking of course.) If it doesn't make you stop in your tracks and think of your childhood and what you were many Halloweens back, I don't' know what would do it. I smile, thinking of Amy Nixon and I as Poppers Penguins, my my, we had one heck of a time. We could barely see, and we had the wobble. But.. But, we looked cool!
Today is my day to shout out.. to speak out to those... who have made my day brighter. Chad/Thad, whoever you really are for making me laugh uncontrollably, Megan, who I am sure left the office beaming with a bright wide smile that made her eyes sparkle. Kelly, who well eagerly sent me a video to thank me...and I did really enjoy video! Sam, who well should use his camera tonight, because I have ideas "bobbing" around in my head of what you could do, but instead most like exhausted from a long day at work, and chose the sofa instread. To Stacey who entertained me with her antics on myspace, lord.... I need new subject matter.
Happy Halloween.
I am out, and tomorrow lets hope refreshed
It's Halloween! I wish tricks and treats for everyone. It's a beautiful fall day, and although the mercury will drop this evening, today is remarkable.
Today I feel like a bobble head. Really... I am still going, but I need the push to keep going. Of course looking silly doing it. Imagine it now, someone tapping my nose to make my head waggle..
I'm offtrack with my mood today as well. I'm recumbent and well spacey. I eagerly anticipate seeing the three girls in my life later today though. Miss Hannah, my niece, Miss Natasha, and Miss Samantha Joe. Ahh the three rays of sunshine.
My friend Chad gave me this incredible blogging idea, and well, my brain just isn't functioning on all cylinders.. (remember, bobble head)
Maybe tomorrow, for a post Halloween idea.
Sidestepping and going with the bobble head effect, I am listening to Five for Fighting, and the song, 100 years. It's soothes the soul and such a time line in recourse for life. Chasing life, living life, and in moments, losing yourself. All in all learning great life lessons, in the 100 years you have to life. (poetically speaking of course.) If it doesn't make you stop in your tracks and think of your childhood and what you were many Halloweens back, I don't' know what would do it. I smile, thinking of Amy Nixon and I as Poppers Penguins, my my, we had one heck of a time. We could barely see, and we had the wobble. But.. But, we looked cool!
Today is my day to shout out.. to speak out to those... who have made my day brighter. Chad/Thad, whoever you really are for making me laugh uncontrollably, Megan, who I am sure left the office beaming with a bright wide smile that made her eyes sparkle. Kelly, who well eagerly sent me a video to thank me...and I did really enjoy video! Sam, who well should use his camera tonight, because I have ideas "bobbing" around in my head of what you could do, but instead most like exhausted from a long day at work, and chose the sofa instread. To Stacey who entertained me with her antics on myspace, lord.... I need new subject matter.
Happy Halloween.
I am out, and tomorrow lets hope refreshed
Monday, October 29, 2007
babble 101
I talk myself in circles, and know what keeps me grounded, but I keep reaching for the stars anyway. If only I could handpick my favorite, and give them to you. I am sure each of your wishes would certainly come true.
I am lost, but found, but not entirely at home. I believe in who I am, but question some of my desires.
I catch myself crying in silence, enjoy the solitude, but don't realize my emotional longevity when it comes to crisis. I hurt, but don't always feel the pain. As if I've been given Novocaine to the already visible band aid. I strive to not leave scars.
I smile both on the inside and out, even when I doubt, fear, or fail. A smile is the foreground to hope, the jog to the sidestep in life. I am pretty when I smile. Even if I feel ugly.
I have a voice, it's passionaite, sometimes evasive, and at moments passive. I try to always speak, especially when spoken too. I fail when it comes to standing up for myself, but I do not falter on my beliefs. However, even with that, I do believe in myself.
My arms and heart are open and outstretched to you, to all I endeavor close. I keep secrets, I will make your tears my own, I am a good listener, however.. I tend to shut my heart out to most.
Sunshine is spoken, the Moon a light through the darkness, the stars a guide. We all need to be guided in some direction.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
just words ..
perfect
need a picture
a space, given just for you.
a photograph of crazy.
a little too hard to visualize,
the way i
feel into you.
i'm breathless,
tasteful, mindful.
you blur my surrounding
talk silly into sense.
interpret the freedom
of the photo sitting
next to my heart
to stay.
need a picture
a space, given just for you.
a photograph of crazy.
a little too hard to visualize,
the way i
feel into you.
i'm breathless,
tasteful, mindful.
you blur my surrounding
talk silly into sense.
interpret the freedom
of the photo sitting
next to my heart
to stay.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
"THE LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK"
Below was forwarded to me, it's worth a read....
Often times I am unsettled, impatient, and angry at the wheel... This puts a whole new spin on things.
By: David J. Pollay (thank you chris for the info)
How often do you let other people's nonsense change
>
> your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss,
>
> or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the
>
> Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your
>
> heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly
>
> she can get back her focus on what's important.
>
>
>
> Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson.
>
> I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab.
>
> Here's what happened.
>
>
>
> I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were
>
> driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out
> of a parking space right in front of us.
>
> My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded,
>
> and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
>
> The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident,
>
> whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.
>
> My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.
>
> And I mean, he was friendly.
>
> So, I said, "Why did you just do that?
>
> This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"
>
>
>
> And this is when my taxi driver told me what I
>
> now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."
>
>
>
> Many people are like garbage trucks.
>
> They run around full of garbage, full of frustration,
>
> full of anger, and full of disappointment.
>
> As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it.
>
> And if you let them, they'll dump it on you.
>
> When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally.
>
> You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.
>
> You'll be happy you did.
>
> So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck."
>
> I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me?
>
> And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people:
>
> at work, at home, on the streets?
>
> It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore."
>
>
>
> I began to see garbage trucks.
>
> Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see dead people."
>
>
>
> Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks."
>
> I see the load they're carrying.
>
> I see them coming to drop it off.
>
> And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing;
>
> I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
>
>
>
> One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton,
>
> did this every day on the football field.
>
> He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground after being tackled.
>
>
>
> He never dwelled on a hit.
>
> Payton was ready to make the next play his best.
>
> Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting.
>
>
>
> Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home
>
> from school with hugs and kisses.
>
> Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present,
>
> and at their best for the people they care about.
>
>
>
> The bottom line is that successful people
>
> do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day.
>
> What about you?
>
> What would happen in your life, starting today,
>
> if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
>
>
>
> Here's my bet.
>
> You'll be happier.
>
Often times I am unsettled, impatient, and angry at the wheel... This puts a whole new spin on things.
By: David J. Pollay (thank you chris for the info)
How often do you let other people's nonsense change
>
> your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss,
>
> or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the
>
> Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your
>
> heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly
>
> she can get back her focus on what's important.
>
>
>
> Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson.
>
> I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab.
>
> Here's what happened.
>
>
>
> I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were
>
> driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out
> of a parking space right in front of us.
>
> My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded,
>
> and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
>
> The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident,
>
> whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.
>
> My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.
>
> And I mean, he was friendly.
>
> So, I said, "Why did you just do that?
>
> This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"
>
>
>
> And this is when my taxi driver told me what I
>
> now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."
>
>
>
> Many people are like garbage trucks.
>
> They run around full of garbage, full of frustration,
>
> full of anger, and full of disappointment.
>
> As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it.
>
> And if you let them, they'll dump it on you.
>
> When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally.
>
> You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.
>
> You'll be happy you did.
>
> So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck."
>
> I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me?
>
> And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people:
>
> at work, at home, on the streets?
>
> It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore."
>
>
>
> I began to see garbage trucks.
>
> Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see dead people."
>
>
>
> Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks."
>
> I see the load they're carrying.
>
> I see them coming to drop it off.
>
> And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing;
>
> I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
>
>
>
> One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton,
>
> did this every day on the football field.
>
> He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground after being tackled.
>
>
>
> He never dwelled on a hit.
>
> Payton was ready to make the next play his best.
>
> Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting.
>
>
>
> Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home
>
> from school with hugs and kisses.
>
> Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present,
>
> and at their best for the people they care about.
>
>
>
> The bottom line is that successful people
>
> do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day.
>
> What about you?
>
> What would happen in your life, starting today,
>
> if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
>
>
>
> Here's my bet.
>
> You'll be happier.
>
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
ABC's TO LIFE
Allocate the Answer
Be Brave; Brace Being
Challenge Change, Cantor Creativity
Deem, Divulge and Diversify Destiny
Elaborate Emotion, Enter Equally
Favor Freedom, Free Fallible Finds
Grasp Greatness
Hold Honorable Hearts, Herald Humanity
Intertwine Influence, Initiate Intervention
Joke Joyously
Keep Kindness Kindred
Live Life, Lack Lust, Love for a Lifetime
Meet Merciful, Modify the Means
Nurture Noteworthy Needs
Oppose Opposition, Observe Omens
Pardon the Past, Praise the Present
Quantify Quality
Reach with Reason, Redeem with Reflection
Seize, Secure Senses. Sequester Shortcomings.
Tame Tempers, Together Tolerate, Trust Truth
Unveil Unique, Unearth Undertakings
Voice Versatility, Void Vain, Value Valor
Wager Wants
Xerox memories
Yearn for Youthful Years
Zing Zeal
Be Brave; Brace Being
Challenge Change, Cantor Creativity
Deem, Divulge and Diversify Destiny
Elaborate Emotion, Enter Equally
Favor Freedom, Free Fallible Finds
Grasp Greatness
Hold Honorable Hearts, Herald Humanity
Intertwine Influence, Initiate Intervention
Joke Joyously
Keep Kindness Kindred
Live Life, Lack Lust, Love for a Lifetime
Meet Merciful, Modify the Means
Nurture Noteworthy Needs
Oppose Opposition, Observe Omens
Pardon the Past, Praise the Present
Quantify Quality
Reach with Reason, Redeem with Reflection
Seize, Secure Senses. Sequester Shortcomings.
Tame Tempers, Together Tolerate, Trust Truth
Unveil Unique, Unearth Undertakings
Voice Versatility, Void Vain, Value Valor
Wager Wants
Xerox memories
Yearn for Youthful Years
Zing Zeal
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
what i learned from my niece...
I watched my niece over the weekend, play with mega blocks. Putting several blocks together, then the process of building them up. She’d get to a point when it would get so tall and uneven, it would crash down. Instead of getting discouraged or just walk away, she’d pick it up, squeal with delight and start all over again. In watching her, I thought, WOW why can’t I be more like that?
To get excited when I have to start over, to not get discouraged when my surroundings fall around me, and eagerly accept picking up the pieces..
To get excited when I have to start over, to not get discouraged when my surroundings fall around me, and eagerly accept picking up the pieces..
Monday, September 17, 2007
FOR THE WAR TO BE WON
I CLOSE MY EYES AND PROVIDE THAT I CAN BRING HOPE TO YOU.
YOU HURT, BUT I WILL KEEP YOU STRONG, EACH LAYER, A TEARING DOWN OF THE WALLS.
LAY BENEATH THE BLANKETED EARTH AND WATCH THE STARS GO BY.
MY HEART HELD YOUR HURT, BUT ONLY FOR A PASSING MOMENT.
THE LAND A CROSSING OF BURDENS, A KNOWING OF ALL TRAITS. IT’S STAINED BY OUR TEARS, OR LOVE, LIFE AND FATE.
I TAKE BACK, ALL THAT COULD EVER BE LOST, AND PROVIDE OUR WAR ON ONE THAT CAN BE WON.
MY HEART A SHIELD, YOURS A DISARRAY,
A CASTED STONE, UPON THE WEAK TO PREY ON
OUR VOICES CONTAIN, ALL THAT WE ARE. TO BE, ALL THAT WE KNOW. IT’S ALL BEEN BESTOWED THE POWER OF BEING, BELIEF AND FAITH ABOVE.
TO BE DROWNING BY THE EARTHS POSESSIONS, I HOLD IN THE LAST BREATHE, FURVORED PASSION, A FLEETING GLIMPSE PAST THE MOON.
THE SUN RISES AND FALLS IN A PATTERNED FLIGHT ALL ITS OWN. THE ONE CONSTANT, THE CONSISTANCY IN EACH OF OUR LIVES.
TO CHANGE YOU, I WOULDN’T, TO TAKE THE FEAR, AND CULTIVATE NEW, I WOULD. I CAN’T MAKE IT MY OWN, BUT I WILL PROVIDE MY LIGHT AND VOICE.
I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU, I WILL TAKE ON A BATTLE, FOR THE WALLS TO FALL, AND LOOKING DOWN I SEE YOU LOOK ABOVE.
YOU WILL REALIZE THE WANT AND NEED FOR YOU TO BE YOU.
YOU HURT, BUT I WILL KEEP YOU STRONG, EACH LAYER, A TEARING DOWN OF THE WALLS.
LAY BENEATH THE BLANKETED EARTH AND WATCH THE STARS GO BY.
MY HEART HELD YOUR HURT, BUT ONLY FOR A PASSING MOMENT.
THE LAND A CROSSING OF BURDENS, A KNOWING OF ALL TRAITS. IT’S STAINED BY OUR TEARS, OR LOVE, LIFE AND FATE.
I TAKE BACK, ALL THAT COULD EVER BE LOST, AND PROVIDE OUR WAR ON ONE THAT CAN BE WON.
MY HEART A SHIELD, YOURS A DISARRAY,
A CASTED STONE, UPON THE WEAK TO PREY ON
OUR VOICES CONTAIN, ALL THAT WE ARE. TO BE, ALL THAT WE KNOW. IT’S ALL BEEN BESTOWED THE POWER OF BEING, BELIEF AND FAITH ABOVE.
TO BE DROWNING BY THE EARTHS POSESSIONS, I HOLD IN THE LAST BREATHE, FURVORED PASSION, A FLEETING GLIMPSE PAST THE MOON.
THE SUN RISES AND FALLS IN A PATTERNED FLIGHT ALL ITS OWN. THE ONE CONSTANT, THE CONSISTANCY IN EACH OF OUR LIVES.
TO CHANGE YOU, I WOULDN’T, TO TAKE THE FEAR, AND CULTIVATE NEW, I WOULD. I CAN’T MAKE IT MY OWN, BUT I WILL PROVIDE MY LIGHT AND VOICE.
I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU, I WILL TAKE ON A BATTLE, FOR THE WALLS TO FALL, AND LOOKING DOWN I SEE YOU LOOK ABOVE.
YOU WILL REALIZE THE WANT AND NEED FOR YOU TO BE YOU.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
what makes you tick?
so just proposing a question out there....... what inspires you? what makes you tick? Depending on whatever it is, do you do it routinely?
We all have dreams, we all have dreams we hold inside, and those are usually what we push away
... But why???? why do you push them away? is it fear? is it your heart? is it peer pressure? is it against the grain? Did you create a new mold?
Let them in, let them near you, let them surface.
I was afraid to write, for fear of rejection, I was afraid to think, for fear of ridicule. I was afraid to speak my voice, to an unfavored opinion. Now......... so don't care. What I am afraid of, I am not, it is what has opened up so many new doors.
Be bold, be inspiring,...........but be you
Peace
Amy
We all have dreams, we all have dreams we hold inside, and those are usually what we push away
... But why???? why do you push them away? is it fear? is it your heart? is it peer pressure? is it against the grain? Did you create a new mold?
Let them in, let them near you, let them surface.
I was afraid to write, for fear of rejection, I was afraid to think, for fear of ridicule. I was afraid to speak my voice, to an unfavored opinion. Now......... so don't care. What I am afraid of, I am not, it is what has opened up so many new doors.
Be bold, be inspiring,...........but be you
Peace
Amy
Monday, September 10, 2007
"Return to Innocense"
Ahhh I see the your cheesy grin right now, knowing that you are being thought of. I am still lost in thought, I was in your dreams, and still laughing for all the right reasons. I was really locked in your dreams, stuck in your head, as you tossed and turned and remembered in the a.m. Thats' well....... I am flattered.
Ahh silly, silly us. I can't believe it's been fifteen years since we met and well last saw one another. How one field trip, left us both with so many great memories. The song by enigma was our song, and it's still to this day one of my favorites. Everytime I hear it, I am lost in thought then a simple smile surfaces. Lord, what a stage performance we all had in D.C. To think, we've kept in touch, and Bob, Bob's still there too.
I didn't think much of my whole high school experience, but if I could relive one aspect of it, it would be the last 48 hours in D.C. Ahh the trouble we caused the bus m.c., the hotel staff, and not to mention our roommates. Well worth is though.
The first and last kiss that tickled my spine, and left me breathless was you, the first time I got teary eyed over a man was you. Now............. we both laugh at that. Crazy kids.. eh?
Ahh Mr. Cottrell, I suppose you are right, my heart is in texas. I need to return to innocense, and seriously I need to 'get a life' as you call it.
So Jonathan this is my shout out to you, to your antics, to your jokes, to the dream you had, and not to mention the friendship we have. You are simply the coolest!
Love ya
Ahh silly, silly us. I can't believe it's been fifteen years since we met and well last saw one another. How one field trip, left us both with so many great memories. The song by enigma was our song, and it's still to this day one of my favorites. Everytime I hear it, I am lost in thought then a simple smile surfaces. Lord, what a stage performance we all had in D.C. To think, we've kept in touch, and Bob, Bob's still there too.
I didn't think much of my whole high school experience, but if I could relive one aspect of it, it would be the last 48 hours in D.C. Ahh the trouble we caused the bus m.c., the hotel staff, and not to mention our roommates. Well worth is though.
The first and last kiss that tickled my spine, and left me breathless was you, the first time I got teary eyed over a man was you. Now............. we both laugh at that. Crazy kids.. eh?
Ahh Mr. Cottrell, I suppose you are right, my heart is in texas. I need to return to innocense, and seriously I need to 'get a life' as you call it.
So Jonathan this is my shout out to you, to your antics, to your jokes, to the dream you had, and not to mention the friendship we have. You are simply the coolest!
Love ya
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
we all float on
Again, ahhh I've been ignoring the site. I love having a short week, but seems the days after are all uphill. I can't decide my emotions or mood the last 48 hours. I've definitely catapulted about every emotion a person could have. Why? In part, some odd weeks later, I finally realized the fact of being used. I am gullible, I am a stupid naive person. Something I knew already, but didn't think I would fall once again. It just seems my heart and head don't tread down the same path, and somewhere one fails and the other doesn't know how to react. I refuse to accept that I have been an utter mockery to someones else's pleasure, but so be it.
I've realized in the past months with that, I have new friends that have definitely been my anchors and kept me floating on. God bless, Gina, Megan, and Maggie. Without them, I dont know how I would have forced smiles and laughter. They make madness, into perfect sense. We all lean on someone, whether it's a family member, a friend, spouse, or faith. Someone is there listening. I don't spill feelings, I seem to divert them, or tell just enough to thread the needle. I have this forbidden concept of not, saying no. But when I do, it comes back to bite me, or bothers me soo much, I can't sleep at night. Insane I do know that.
Sometimes I just don't want to be the nice person everything accepts I am. I want to be the person that take their food bad thru the drive thru because they screwed it up, instead I accept whatever it is. Or talk back and speak my peace when someone screams at me at the top of their lungs because something isnt' going their way. Instead, I take it all in, accept the complaint, and blame it on myself. However, I don't think I can break the mold of what shaped me. I know the difference of being a glutton and a hard ass, but why is it I appear to teeter on the glutton aspect. I guess I know the answer, I just don't know why I chose to be used.
I've realized in the past months with that, I have new friends that have definitely been my anchors and kept me floating on. God bless, Gina, Megan, and Maggie. Without them, I dont know how I would have forced smiles and laughter. They make madness, into perfect sense. We all lean on someone, whether it's a family member, a friend, spouse, or faith. Someone is there listening. I don't spill feelings, I seem to divert them, or tell just enough to thread the needle. I have this forbidden concept of not, saying no. But when I do, it comes back to bite me, or bothers me soo much, I can't sleep at night. Insane I do know that.
Sometimes I just don't want to be the nice person everything accepts I am. I want to be the person that take their food bad thru the drive thru because they screwed it up, instead I accept whatever it is. Or talk back and speak my peace when someone screams at me at the top of their lungs because something isnt' going their way. Instead, I take it all in, accept the complaint, and blame it on myself. However, I don't think I can break the mold of what shaped me. I know the difference of being a glutton and a hard ass, but why is it I appear to teeter on the glutton aspect. I guess I know the answer, I just don't know why I chose to be used.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
caffeine intake
I should have known my day would be a disaster when it started off by a gentleman at a convenient store, spraying pop all over me. Granted it wasn't his fault, the machine had run low. Once getting my diet coke, I have to listen to another man make stupid comments about how all that caffeine is gonna kill me. Only to mutter some likable response to amuse the man I stand in line to pay. If the guy only knew that I have to have some sort of caffeine in the morning to function. And if not function, help alleviate the stress from really making some snide comment in return.
He's now in line behind me, coughing, hacking, and complaining about this summer cold, that he's been taking meds for. All the while, thinking... if you get me sick, I will seek you out. I don't need a cold on top of allergies. Again, he makes a comment about my caffeine and how he doesn't touch the stuff. So politely I again, smile in his direction and said, you wouldn't want to be around me without at least one in the morning. As he chuckles, he is stopped by gasping and coughing and carrying on. Literally almost doubled over and holding onto the counter for support. If I hadn't been annoyed, I would have felt sorry for him....ok I did feel bad for him. As I pay for my "stuff that will kill me," a former co worker walks in the door. We briefly give salutations, long enough for me to hear the man as for three packages of some time of camel cigarettes.......
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This man has the freaking nerve to rant and rave about my caffeine, and he's buying cigarettes while coughing up what lung he has left.
The nerve of some people......
He's now in line behind me, coughing, hacking, and complaining about this summer cold, that he's been taking meds for. All the while, thinking... if you get me sick, I will seek you out. I don't need a cold on top of allergies. Again, he makes a comment about my caffeine and how he doesn't touch the stuff. So politely I again, smile in his direction and said, you wouldn't want to be around me without at least one in the morning. As he chuckles, he is stopped by gasping and coughing and carrying on. Literally almost doubled over and holding onto the counter for support. If I hadn't been annoyed, I would have felt sorry for him....ok I did feel bad for him. As I pay for my "stuff that will kill me," a former co worker walks in the door. We briefly give salutations, long enough for me to hear the man as for three packages of some time of camel cigarettes.......
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This man has the freaking nerve to rant and rave about my caffeine, and he's buying cigarettes while coughing up what lung he has left.
The nerve of some people......
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
kicking stones..
Wow it's been almost a week since I've wrote last. Been thinking alot about my mood lately. Have'nt been the same bubbly self. Seems little things these past few weeks eat at me. Just random, no big deal "ISSUES" but yet, they take their toll. Of course why is it that when you are down, you just keep getting kicked.
I realized from all this, I hold alot in, and do a damn good job of not showing the pressure. However, when I am by myself, the layers melt and here I am ....can't sleep, and contemplate soo much.
David jokes about going on a walk............. how I would like that. We could get so much out on the table, without saying all that much. How one stone, could be kicked several miles without realizing it had traveled the distance. It's been six years, since I last kicked stones. How by the end of the walk, all life's issues were done and buried. How I wish life were still that simple.
My mood as of late, just generally is my health. How can one simple health issue, that isn't life threatening be such a pain in the rear. (ha literally for those that know the problem) I am tired of taking so many diff. meds, and I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror, pretending tomorrow's the day, I'll stop, or start, and things will start their course.
I know that it all takes me at 100% of working towards the goal to do this. I falter, which isn't bad, because we all do, but seriously I can't.
It seems the second my head hits the pillow anymore I am asleep, but within the next two hours I am wide awake, and everything hits me at warp speed. Questions to answer, tasks to be done, and the tossing and turning begins.
I try to walk, but the pebbles aren't quite right, and the conversation just isnt' the same. Funny, because you've known this all along.
The church still sits vacant, still holds the stories, the laughter, tears, and fears, I sometimes wonder what it would feel like, if I started to talk there in silence. Would it remember, or would I feel you near.
The phone calls aren't the same. The jokes, the laughter, it's all there, but......... it's that stone. Or maybe that pat on the back.
I miss you
I realized from all this, I hold alot in, and do a damn good job of not showing the pressure. However, when I am by myself, the layers melt and here I am ....can't sleep, and contemplate soo much.
David jokes about going on a walk............. how I would like that. We could get so much out on the table, without saying all that much. How one stone, could be kicked several miles without realizing it had traveled the distance. It's been six years, since I last kicked stones. How by the end of the walk, all life's issues were done and buried. How I wish life were still that simple.
My mood as of late, just generally is my health. How can one simple health issue, that isn't life threatening be such a pain in the rear. (ha literally for those that know the problem) I am tired of taking so many diff. meds, and I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror, pretending tomorrow's the day, I'll stop, or start, and things will start their course.
I know that it all takes me at 100% of working towards the goal to do this. I falter, which isn't bad, because we all do, but seriously I can't.
It seems the second my head hits the pillow anymore I am asleep, but within the next two hours I am wide awake, and everything hits me at warp speed. Questions to answer, tasks to be done, and the tossing and turning begins.
I try to walk, but the pebbles aren't quite right, and the conversation just isnt' the same. Funny, because you've known this all along.
The church still sits vacant, still holds the stories, the laughter, tears, and fears, I sometimes wonder what it would feel like, if I started to talk there in silence. Would it remember, or would I feel you near.
The phone calls aren't the same. The jokes, the laughter, it's all there, but......... it's that stone. Or maybe that pat on the back.
I miss you
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Procrastination
I am in a lucid, antsy state today. Possible to be both? Everything seems to be closing in on me, but yet....everything so far away. So many things to do, and so many things to be done, that I am confident I have become the epitemy of a poster child for procrastination. In a race, and getting my ass kicked.
I don't regret what I need to do or what needs to be done. I obviously do it to myself, and in part a portion is getting ready for a wedding of two of my closest friends. So yeah, fun involved too. Minus the 5 hours of photos before the wedding though! And most likely tugging and pulling at the straps of my dress for 12 hours. (Maggie, you are worth it though!)
I want to leave, go on a drive, and forget about my adult responsibilities towards life this week, ahh how I want to be at my haven. The lake. A resort in the middle of Minnesota on the water, with endless inspirations at hand. Every direction, nature erupts into a postcard. Within that, every ounce of stress, every bad vibe, every notion of dark, seemingly melts away there. The waves hitting the beach, sand in between my toes, and shells of every shape and kind. Pebbles tossed in the lake, ahhh I so feel it now.
The wind in my hair, the way the sun engulfs the water to ribbons of velvet, and how the pounding of the waves to the boat, cradle me safe.
I can almost smell the campfire, a staple back at camp. It is always kindling, more so as dusk and into the midnight hours. The loons sing their song, and in the distance the moon scatters dust across the lake, like brilliant diamonds.
Ahh... I want to be there.
There is this strange high of just feels right, when I am there. It's my sanctuary. I can almost hear the cabin doors slamming, and the putter of the boat motors.
So yeah, Miss Procrastination herself, ME! is daydreaming again, but it aids in knowing I'll be there before the end of the year. At the time when the leaves are falling, and the earth turning cooler. I can't wait...
Till then, I have tasks at hand...
Later Bloggers
I don't regret what I need to do or what needs to be done. I obviously do it to myself, and in part a portion is getting ready for a wedding of two of my closest friends. So yeah, fun involved too. Minus the 5 hours of photos before the wedding though! And most likely tugging and pulling at the straps of my dress for 12 hours. (Maggie, you are worth it though!)
I want to leave, go on a drive, and forget about my adult responsibilities towards life this week, ahh how I want to be at my haven. The lake. A resort in the middle of Minnesota on the water, with endless inspirations at hand. Every direction, nature erupts into a postcard. Within that, every ounce of stress, every bad vibe, every notion of dark, seemingly melts away there. The waves hitting the beach, sand in between my toes, and shells of every shape and kind. Pebbles tossed in the lake, ahhh I so feel it now.
The wind in my hair, the way the sun engulfs the water to ribbons of velvet, and how the pounding of the waves to the boat, cradle me safe.
I can almost smell the campfire, a staple back at camp. It is always kindling, more so as dusk and into the midnight hours. The loons sing their song, and in the distance the moon scatters dust across the lake, like brilliant diamonds.
Ahh... I want to be there.
There is this strange high of just feels right, when I am there. It's my sanctuary. I can almost hear the cabin doors slamming, and the putter of the boat motors.
So yeah, Miss Procrastination herself, ME! is daydreaming again, but it aids in knowing I'll be there before the end of the year. At the time when the leaves are falling, and the earth turning cooler. I can't wait...
Till then, I have tasks at hand...
Later Bloggers
Me to You
What I want isnt' what I need,
I, me
he, she
him, her
real, reality
clap, grasp
hide and seek.
Here, there
speak, spoke
better, best
pen to paper, just formality
no joke.
rich, riches
gain, growth
a diamond in the rough.
clear, clarity
caught my eye
see, saw, mesmerized.
I am right, I am wrong,
strength, strong
fuzzy, foggy
settled, lazy
isolated, motivated.
saw me in yourself,
you know me all along.
I, me
he, she
him, her
real, reality
clap, grasp
hide and seek.
Here, there
speak, spoke
better, best
pen to paper, just formality
no joke.
rich, riches
gain, growth
a diamond in the rough.
clear, clarity
caught my eye
see, saw, mesmerized.
I am right, I am wrong,
strength, strong
fuzzy, foggy
settled, lazy
isolated, motivated.
saw me in yourself,
you know me all along.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Chasing shadows
You looked my way,
And when I spoke, nothing came out.
I could be lost, hurt, but needed.
I would be good, haven’t felt safe. But so secure in your direction.
Warm embrace
Tranquility washed anew
Sparkling
Dainty
I am lost but I know who I am
Flames ignite
Passion daunting
I am tossed
torn and hurt.
I see my reflection, catch my shadow embracing.
Cultivated by the memory, drawn in the tears,
I need no one.
And when I spoke, nothing came out.
I could be lost, hurt, but needed.
I would be good, haven’t felt safe. But so secure in your direction.
Warm embrace
Tranquility washed anew
Sparkling
Dainty
I am lost but I know who I am
Flames ignite
Passion daunting
I am tossed
torn and hurt.
I see my reflection, catch my shadow embracing.
Cultivated by the memory, drawn in the tears,
I need no one.
peppermints, and a slice of life
The other day I had stopped at the gas station to fill my car up with gas, and as I was waiting in line, this older gentleman behind me, was counting change out for his cup of coffee. Upon waiting, I couldn’t help but smile and take that moment in, he smelled of my grandfather; a faint smell of peppermint and fresh crisp laundry. When I pulled away from the station to my small drive to work, I thought of being a small child bouncing on my grandfathers knees, and although young, remembering his smell. It was many years ago, that he passed away, but that is something I wouldn’t forget.
Little things, precious things as such are what carry me through a day.
Small hand prints on a glass door, the smell after a spring rain, the way my niece kisses me, coke from a glass bottle, or when someone I care about says my name. It sends a tickle through my heart.
Lilacs in May picked and cut into mason jars, fresh lemon aid on a warm summer evening and postcards of friends summer destinations.
My hand being held, a clear summer night for star gazing, and a song I hear on the radio in the car I know every word to.
I remember holding the medal you got in Korea, and asking so many questions. I was young, and didn’t understand, but the familiar tuck of head to the shoulder, it didn’t matter. You always reminded me everything was better with grandma’s cake. Ironic, it still works.
The simplest things like grandmothers’ cake, still keep me going. No matter the event whether I attend or not, grandma brings me her cake, with a slice of advice.
Watching Fathers teach their daughters catch in the lawn, or a simple run through a sprinkler bring reflection. Having my hair combed by someone other than myself, and kisses on the forehead move me.
A text from a friend, just saying hello, and a phone call before bed just to tuck me in, mean more than they ever know.
You spent several hours putting mom’s kitchen set back together, so I could mimic grandma in the kitchen. You spent so much time taping and painting that old set back together, only to realize I had more fun with just a pot and a pan. Long after you passed on, that picture of me in front of the stove brings a comfort all its own.
Having a home cooked meal, a picnic on the lawn, or lunch with a friend, more simple pleasures.
Capturing the sun rise and set through my camera, laughter of a child mid stream, and catching the unexpected element on tape. Grandfather, you were the first to allow me to hold your camera and pushed me to an aspiring career of pictures of caterpillars, the sky and the occasional dreamer.
I was only eight when he passed away, but amazing what the mind allows us to remember. How keen our senses really are when they are heightened. If it had not been for that man waiting for his coffee, I wonder how long it would have been before I craved grandmother’s cake, or yearned for your memory.
Treasure what makes you smile…
Little things, precious things as such are what carry me through a day.
Small hand prints on a glass door, the smell after a spring rain, the way my niece kisses me, coke from a glass bottle, or when someone I care about says my name. It sends a tickle through my heart.
Lilacs in May picked and cut into mason jars, fresh lemon aid on a warm summer evening and postcards of friends summer destinations.
My hand being held, a clear summer night for star gazing, and a song I hear on the radio in the car I know every word to.
I remember holding the medal you got in Korea, and asking so many questions. I was young, and didn’t understand, but the familiar tuck of head to the shoulder, it didn’t matter. You always reminded me everything was better with grandma’s cake. Ironic, it still works.
The simplest things like grandmothers’ cake, still keep me going. No matter the event whether I attend or not, grandma brings me her cake, with a slice of advice.
Watching Fathers teach their daughters catch in the lawn, or a simple run through a sprinkler bring reflection. Having my hair combed by someone other than myself, and kisses on the forehead move me.
A text from a friend, just saying hello, and a phone call before bed just to tuck me in, mean more than they ever know.
You spent several hours putting mom’s kitchen set back together, so I could mimic grandma in the kitchen. You spent so much time taping and painting that old set back together, only to realize I had more fun with just a pot and a pan. Long after you passed on, that picture of me in front of the stove brings a comfort all its own.
Having a home cooked meal, a picnic on the lawn, or lunch with a friend, more simple pleasures.
Capturing the sun rise and set through my camera, laughter of a child mid stream, and catching the unexpected element on tape. Grandfather, you were the first to allow me to hold your camera and pushed me to an aspiring career of pictures of caterpillars, the sky and the occasional dreamer.
I was only eight when he passed away, but amazing what the mind allows us to remember. How keen our senses really are when they are heightened. If it had not been for that man waiting for his coffee, I wonder how long it would have been before I craved grandmother’s cake, or yearned for your memory.
Treasure what makes you smile…
Friday, August 17, 2007
Glass to Sand, Sand to Stone
I hold the assortment of my soul, hastily cupped in my palm.
Imagining what doesn’t fit or don’t belong.
Focusing so long every one softens and blends into another. There in the midst, my head and heart you belong.
Long before each particle existed alone, they were together.
I had comfort all my own.
Grains of sand cut at my body, burns my eyes. Blinking, blurry and stings, however I see clearly. The glass cuts, but no blood. The grain burns flesh, but no flames erupt.
Controlled, temperance, belonging, desire, dimensional freedom, I stand strong.
Aggressive assortment of emotion, I can’t just allow only one. Same said of pleasures, so many to choose from, but not a priority. I am lost in moment lost in expressive art I taste the raw desire of being. A cultivating articulated doubt, however, Allowed, bold, independent, but compassionate enough to allow the grains to mold and form its own story.
A path cleared enough to reach to mine. Breathtaking but feared all at the same time.
The glass may shatter again, the shards fall where they lie, fragile but strong enough to form anew.
Imagining what doesn’t fit or don’t belong.
Focusing so long every one softens and blends into another. There in the midst, my head and heart you belong.
Long before each particle existed alone, they were together.
I had comfort all my own.
Grains of sand cut at my body, burns my eyes. Blinking, blurry and stings, however I see clearly. The glass cuts, but no blood. The grain burns flesh, but no flames erupt.
Controlled, temperance, belonging, desire, dimensional freedom, I stand strong.
Aggressive assortment of emotion, I can’t just allow only one. Same said of pleasures, so many to choose from, but not a priority. I am lost in moment lost in expressive art I taste the raw desire of being. A cultivating articulated doubt, however, Allowed, bold, independent, but compassionate enough to allow the grains to mold and form its own story.
A path cleared enough to reach to mine. Breathtaking but feared all at the same time.
The glass may shatter again, the shards fall where they lie, fragile but strong enough to form anew.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I woke up last night to rain against the window, falling in a unique pattern almost splashing back up the panes of glass. Yes, tired but soon very restless, and unsettled. I wanted nothing more than to fall quietly back into peaceful sleep, but then I started to think of you. A smile came across my face, but then bewildered that I was thinking so far back, and why now, of all times. 4 a.m. I have three hours of sleep yet. I don't want to think of you, but then I hear the lyrics of the all to familiar song, and I contemplate pinching myself to make sure I am really awake. Yeah, I hear it.. "These tears I've cried, I've cried 1000 oceans, And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness Well, I can't believe that I would keep Keep you from flying And I would cry 1000 more If that's what it takes To sail you home Sail you home Sail you home..." At that I want nothing more than to hear you breathe, watch your chest rise and fall, follow your left hand cupped together, to hold you and breathe your scent in. We promised each other what one could give, each others happiness. A promise that wasn't broken, and well maintained. Short cuts to each others problems, and the familiar nod.... to finish each others sentences. The spaghetti race down the wall, or entangled dark showers. Power and privilege we joked, and then there you are at the foot of my bed. I can almost see you now. Not wanting to disturb me, and 12 kisses for every hour in each half of the day. Maybe it's the advice I seek, the simple nod of approval, the pillow to the head, or the longevity of the embrace. The rain fainted.. soft teardrops against the window, I am smiling. It's the comfort in this darkness, to know you are still soaring, still flying towards your goals, and that you have sailed, we both have sailed to our live portal.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Dancing to the off beat....
Do you ever propose questions to yourself of what ifs, you don't really want to happen, but know the reality of it is the conclusion for your own plot. I feel alot of times I am on the outside looking in, but when I am in the inside I want out, but look down and not up. Like saying good bye, when you know you'll see them tomorrow for a hello, or then the realization of the good bye, will really be the last goodbye. At least in the particular part of your life sequence or story line. I suppose the wind catching the door closed, but opening a window to a new beginning, is suffice to say for alot of reasons. The saying, "everything happens for a reason" true, but seriously it's like nails on a chalkboard. I cherish the advice of others, and I should listen more to the advice I give, but the saying about reasons, frankly is the last I want to hear. Again, most likely because there is meaning and truth behind it, but ...well I have no point. I could go around about this, but we've all heard the saying, and it's easy to accept, however hard to swallow.
I need to take more risks, I think for my own belief it will help clarify who I am. I may sink or swim, but I need to at least try. I am so comfortable in my own surroundings, I have cocooned comfort all my own. Which is great on one hand, but unfortunate on the other. I've limited some of who I am, to escape dancing to the beat of my own drummer. Trust me, I dance to my own "off" beat. I have been so welcomed by compliments by people who saw some of that while I was in college, and that makes me feel good. Chad, Amy (my DM), Kelly, Matthew, I thank my lucky stars for you backing me and pushing me to keep ever on. Each of you an instrumental part of who I am. Chad, who least knew of my work in college, but my mentor now. A constant and my sounding board. I mean who else really knows Remi? Amy, my DM my former roomie, constantly throwing out ideas, and forever longing for something new to fall asleep too. Our lives so similar in many ways at the time, she knew exactly what it meant. Kelly, a constant in my life, the one who never gave up on my passion as an artist. Who never allowed the light to dim altogether. You proved I have some fight left. Matthew, ahhh Matt, to this day, holds the Star Wars folder, a proud parent of a sort, of my news clippings, my chicken scratches, all my work. The right side, waiting for the break to cycle it's course and start over. I have something just for you, for that right side.
To my new friends and acquaintances Gina, Megan and Sam for allowing me to be myself, provide a pallet of a sort, and allowing me to ca tor to creative thought by sending you drafts. Sam, in addition for the canvas you brought to life through the camera lens. How, your work erupted vivid soul to form as quotes. You have an eye for raw beauty, often many escape in capturing or seeing at all.
Many ideas are floating, many I am pondering, and many are wrote in various forms on about six tablets. The door closed, the window is open, and there is justification in the reason, god allowed me to careen off the path I was on. Thanks to all of you for allowing me to be who I am, and more of who I am to follow.
I am off to dance!
I need to take more risks, I think for my own belief it will help clarify who I am. I may sink or swim, but I need to at least try. I am so comfortable in my own surroundings, I have cocooned comfort all my own. Which is great on one hand, but unfortunate on the other. I've limited some of who I am, to escape dancing to the beat of my own drummer. Trust me, I dance to my own "off" beat. I have been so welcomed by compliments by people who saw some of that while I was in college, and that makes me feel good. Chad, Amy (my DM), Kelly, Matthew, I thank my lucky stars for you backing me and pushing me to keep ever on. Each of you an instrumental part of who I am. Chad, who least knew of my work in college, but my mentor now. A constant and my sounding board. I mean who else really knows Remi? Amy, my DM my former roomie, constantly throwing out ideas, and forever longing for something new to fall asleep too. Our lives so similar in many ways at the time, she knew exactly what it meant. Kelly, a constant in my life, the one who never gave up on my passion as an artist. Who never allowed the light to dim altogether. You proved I have some fight left. Matthew, ahhh Matt, to this day, holds the Star Wars folder, a proud parent of a sort, of my news clippings, my chicken scratches, all my work. The right side, waiting for the break to cycle it's course and start over. I have something just for you, for that right side.
To my new friends and acquaintances Gina, Megan and Sam for allowing me to be myself, provide a pallet of a sort, and allowing me to ca tor to creative thought by sending you drafts. Sam, in addition for the canvas you brought to life through the camera lens. How, your work erupted vivid soul to form as quotes. You have an eye for raw beauty, often many escape in capturing or seeing at all.
Many ideas are floating, many I am pondering, and many are wrote in various forms on about six tablets. The door closed, the window is open, and there is justification in the reason, god allowed me to careen off the path I was on. Thanks to all of you for allowing me to be who I am, and more of who I am to follow.
I am off to dance!
Monday, August 13, 2007
drip drip, drip drop
So it's probably too premature to comment on the water issues at the casa, but I am going to anyway. I think for the most part everything is resolved. I owe my brother more than sisterly knowledge and alcohol. The thing is, he'd do it all over again. Probably not making sense with the water, but if you go to my blog on my my space page, it will make more sense. I had actually three separate water issues to contend with. First the office.... Which actually isn't my problem, but is in my office. The air conditioner is on the ceiling and the condensation hose wasn't hooked up properly, now we have a major ceiling problem and I am waiting for the ceiling to cave at any moment. The home, a copper pipe in my utility room sprung a leak, and being the weeny I am was not able to turn my water off, plus that would of course mean no water at all. So the brain child I am, used a five gallon bucket and put a large Rubbermaid tote underneath that to catch the water. The water before I realized it was such a issue, destroyed several things in my room, but nothing I couldn't live without. Every four hrs changing the water, wasn't a fun task. Jason, my bro came over and took care of the pipe. Thank god he's a plumber of a sort. The third would have been my family room in the basement had water. I thought first the window from the various hard down pours, however, after I spent numerous hours cleaning carpets I didn't have one good answer. Last night it rained hard again, and snap!!! water again in the basement. Thank god for my brother once again, (trust me the man has a halo!) It turned out the sand from my shingles caused a block in the gutters and the rain was falling over and hard in that one area my floor was wet. So Jason the saint he is, cleaned the gutters, and promises to bring over a pick up load of dirt to resettle. Long term....... probably will have to shingle the roof soon. Have I mentioned, I hate being a home owner? As of this second I am listening to the drip of water from the ceiling of my office into a trashcan. I don't think that sound will leave my head anytime soon.
I'll blog at you all later tonight
I'll blog at you all later tonight
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Sleepless
I had a sleepless night and now into the next morning, I wonder where the weekend began and ended. The condition of being so tired, you are restless and wired at the same time. I struggled so much for sleep last evening, that side effects included a broken vase on my nightstand, it took me a bit to unravel myself from the sheet, and several pillows ended up in places I hadn't realized a pillow could go. When is it when the body and the mind finally level and realize they both need rest?
Every tick, every drip, every crunch within the house and out become deafening. Left side, Right side, Stomach, Back, every position just as uncomfortable as the next. Oh, and why is it, when you are struggling so much for sleep, you start remembering everything you couldn't remember during the course of the day. A name of a person you saw, finally pops into your head, the title of the song finally rings true, and yeah, I was suppose to go to the post office today. But as you are tossing and turning, you don't want to get up and write down this stuff, for fear you will really wake up from the already weary state.
Somewhere in all that, I get to sleep, only to ask myself, did I really sleep, considering I remember watching a rerun of a infomercial, and still remember the song title. I know, if I really slept, I wouldn't have remembered such a thing.
One advantage to this past sleepless night, and what appears to be another (It's almost 1 a.m now) I sat on my deck for the first real time this summer. Curled up with a blanket, I watched every second of the sun rise. It was priceless to say the least. Watching the sun rise, was worth watching the alarm clock all night. The simple progression, the awakening of this saturday was somewhat like those flip books you had as a child. The one's you flick with your thumb and watch the events unravel from beginning to end in just a matter of seconds. Only with the sun rise, it was a matter of minutes that seemed like seconds, and you weren't able to flip and start over.... at least not until the next 24 hrs.
So, folks, I am off to try this again, sleep that is. I guess its a nice consolation knowing I can watch the sun rise if I can't sleep. Try it, I dare you.... Give yourself the gift to watch the sun rise wholly. Not while you are getting ready for work, or sitting at the kitchen table checking your email or reading the newspaper, or even driving to work, sit down, and watch every movement in the sky. Believe me, it's well worth your time.
Blessings!
Every tick, every drip, every crunch within the house and out become deafening. Left side, Right side, Stomach, Back, every position just as uncomfortable as the next. Oh, and why is it, when you are struggling so much for sleep, you start remembering everything you couldn't remember during the course of the day. A name of a person you saw, finally pops into your head, the title of the song finally rings true, and yeah, I was suppose to go to the post office today. But as you are tossing and turning, you don't want to get up and write down this stuff, for fear you will really wake up from the already weary state.
Somewhere in all that, I get to sleep, only to ask myself, did I really sleep, considering I remember watching a rerun of a infomercial, and still remember the song title. I know, if I really slept, I wouldn't have remembered such a thing.
One advantage to this past sleepless night, and what appears to be another (It's almost 1 a.m now) I sat on my deck for the first real time this summer. Curled up with a blanket, I watched every second of the sun rise. It was priceless to say the least. Watching the sun rise, was worth watching the alarm clock all night. The simple progression, the awakening of this saturday was somewhat like those flip books you had as a child. The one's you flick with your thumb and watch the events unravel from beginning to end in just a matter of seconds. Only with the sun rise, it was a matter of minutes that seemed like seconds, and you weren't able to flip and start over.... at least not until the next 24 hrs.
So, folks, I am off to try this again, sleep that is. I guess its a nice consolation knowing I can watch the sun rise if I can't sleep. Try it, I dare you.... Give yourself the gift to watch the sun rise wholly. Not while you are getting ready for work, or sitting at the kitchen table checking your email or reading the newspaper, or even driving to work, sit down, and watch every movement in the sky. Believe me, it's well worth your time.
Blessings!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Breaking the Ice
So this is my first blog on an actual blogging site, and I almost feel pressured. As if I have my former college professor looking over my shoulder with that familiar sigh and nod. The faint smell of old cigarette smoke, and coffee breath comes to mind. At least I am not graded this time around, or feel all eyes on me. So yeah breaking the ice... to say the least. Maybe to myself as a personal gesture of pushing myself to express more of what I am about, or to the sorry saps I have entertained to read what my banter may be.
Chad, my first fan and my cheerleader. Or maybe more of a writing recruiter kicking me into shape and keep me going. Also thank god, he is wonderful with all this web stuff, or I would still be searching the www on really how to do this.
I will forewarn anyone that reads this that writing expresses emotion, and at times I may write about human interest that I will pour my heart and soul into, politics that may have me ranting on a soap box, or just randomness. Which yeah.. I know I know.. that is the purpose of blogging. However, I will warn, when I get into a subject that gets me fired up, all purpose of grammar flies out the window. Correct Kelly? As a certain photo brings out soul in the subject manner, I hope at times I can do just that in writing..... Of course all for entertainment and life purposes only.
I am trying to decide if this constitutes as my first blog, or if I need another go at it. Ahh.. trust me, there will be plenty of catching up and plenty of who I am to follow. So with that, I think I'll keep everyone in suspense.
I've had an interesting week, and alot of canvas before me.
With that.... I leave you till next time
Chad, my first fan and my cheerleader. Or maybe more of a writing recruiter kicking me into shape and keep me going. Also thank god, he is wonderful with all this web stuff, or I would still be searching the www on really how to do this.
I will forewarn anyone that reads this that writing expresses emotion, and at times I may write about human interest that I will pour my heart and soul into, politics that may have me ranting on a soap box, or just randomness. Which yeah.. I know I know.. that is the purpose of blogging. However, I will warn, when I get into a subject that gets me fired up, all purpose of grammar flies out the window. Correct Kelly? As a certain photo brings out soul in the subject manner, I hope at times I can do just that in writing..... Of course all for entertainment and life purposes only.
I am trying to decide if this constitutes as my first blog, or if I need another go at it. Ahh.. trust me, there will be plenty of catching up and plenty of who I am to follow. So with that, I think I'll keep everyone in suspense.
I've had an interesting week, and alot of canvas before me.
With that.... I leave you till next time
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