Do you ever propose questions to yourself of what ifs, you don't really want to happen, but know the reality of it is the conclusion for your own plot. I feel alot of times I am on the outside looking in, but when I am in the inside I want out, but look down and not up. Like saying good bye, when you know you'll see them tomorrow for a hello, or then the realization of the good bye, will really be the last goodbye. At least in the particular part of your life sequence or story line. I suppose the wind catching the door closed, but opening a window to a new beginning, is suffice to say for alot of reasons. The saying, "everything happens for a reason" true, but seriously it's like nails on a chalkboard. I cherish the advice of others, and I should listen more to the advice I give, but the saying about reasons, frankly is the last I want to hear. Again, most likely because there is meaning and truth behind it, but ...well I have no point. I could go around about this, but we've all heard the saying, and it's easy to accept, however hard to swallow.
I need to take more risks, I think for my own belief it will help clarify who I am. I may sink or swim, but I need to at least try. I am so comfortable in my own surroundings, I have cocooned comfort all my own. Which is great on one hand, but unfortunate on the other. I've limited some of who I am, to escape dancing to the beat of my own drummer. Trust me, I dance to my own "off" beat. I have been so welcomed by compliments by people who saw some of that while I was in college, and that makes me feel good. Chad, Amy (my DM), Kelly, Matthew, I thank my lucky stars for you backing me and pushing me to keep ever on. Each of you an instrumental part of who I am. Chad, who least knew of my work in college, but my mentor now. A constant and my sounding board. I mean who else really knows Remi? Amy, my DM my former roomie, constantly throwing out ideas, and forever longing for something new to fall asleep too. Our lives so similar in many ways at the time, she knew exactly what it meant. Kelly, a constant in my life, the one who never gave up on my passion as an artist. Who never allowed the light to dim altogether. You proved I have some fight left. Matthew, ahhh Matt, to this day, holds the Star Wars folder, a proud parent of a sort, of my news clippings, my chicken scratches, all my work. The right side, waiting for the break to cycle it's course and start over. I have something just for you, for that right side.
To my new friends and acquaintances Gina, Megan and Sam for allowing me to be myself, provide a pallet of a sort, and allowing me to ca tor to creative thought by sending you drafts. Sam, in addition for the canvas you brought to life through the camera lens. How, your work erupted vivid soul to form as quotes. You have an eye for raw beauty, often many escape in capturing or seeing at all.
Many ideas are floating, many I am pondering, and many are wrote in various forms on about six tablets. The door closed, the window is open, and there is justification in the reason, god allowed me to careen off the path I was on. Thanks to all of you for allowing me to be who I am, and more of who I am to follow.
I am off to dance!
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