kicking stones..

Wow it's been almost a week since I've wrote last. Been thinking alot about my mood lately. Have'nt been the same bubbly self. Seems little things these past few weeks eat at me. Just random, no big deal "ISSUES" but yet, they take their toll. Of course why is it that when you are down, you just keep getting kicked.
I realized from all this, I hold alot in, and do a damn good job of not showing the pressure. However, when I am by myself, the layers melt and here I am ....can't sleep, and contemplate soo much.
David jokes about going on a walk............. how I would like that. We could get so much out on the table, without saying all that much. How one stone, could be kicked several miles without realizing it had traveled the distance. It's been six years, since I last kicked stones. How by the end of the walk, all life's issues were done and buried. How I wish life were still that simple.
My mood as of late, just generally is my health. How can one simple health issue, that isn't life threatening be such a pain in the rear. (ha literally for those that know the problem) I am tired of taking so many diff. meds, and I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror, pretending tomorrow's the day, I'll stop, or start, and things will start their course.
I know that it all takes me at 100% of working towards the goal to do this. I falter, which isn't bad, because we all do, but seriously I can't.
It seems the second my head hits the pillow anymore I am asleep, but within the next two hours I am wide awake, and everything hits me at warp speed. Questions to answer, tasks to be done, and the tossing and turning begins.
I try to walk, but the pebbles aren't quite right, and the conversation just isnt' the same. Funny, because you've known this all along.
The church still sits vacant, still holds the stories, the laughter, tears, and fears, I sometimes wonder what it would feel like, if I started to talk there in silence. Would it remember, or would I feel you near.
The phone calls aren't the same. The jokes, the laughter, it's all there, but......... it's that stone. Or maybe that pat on the back.
I miss you