I should have known my day would be a disaster when it started off by a gentleman at a convenient store, spraying pop all over me. Granted it wasn't his fault, the machine had run low. Once getting my diet coke, I have to listen to another man make stupid comments about how all that caffeine is gonna kill me. Only to mutter some likable response to amuse the man I stand in line to pay. If the guy only knew that I have to have some sort of caffeine in the morning to function. And if not function, help alleviate the stress from really making some snide comment in return.
He's now in line behind me, coughing, hacking, and complaining about this summer cold, that he's been taking meds for. All the while, thinking... if you get me sick, I will seek you out. I don't need a cold on top of allergies. Again, he makes a comment about my caffeine and how he doesn't touch the stuff. So politely I again, smile in his direction and said, you wouldn't want to be around me without at least one in the morning. As he chuckles, he is stopped by gasping and coughing and carrying on. Literally almost doubled over and holding onto the counter for support. If I hadn't been annoyed, I would have felt sorry for him....ok I did feel bad for him. As I pay for my "stuff that will kill me," a former co worker walks in the door. We briefly give salutations, long enough for me to hear the man as for three packages of some time of camel cigarettes.......
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This man has the freaking nerve to rant and rave about my caffeine, and he's buying cigarettes while coughing up what lung he has left.
The nerve of some people......
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
kicking stones..
Wow it's been almost a week since I've wrote last. Been thinking alot about my mood lately. Have'nt been the same bubbly self. Seems little things these past few weeks eat at me. Just random, no big deal "ISSUES" but yet, they take their toll. Of course why is it that when you are down, you just keep getting kicked.
I realized from all this, I hold alot in, and do a damn good job of not showing the pressure. However, when I am by myself, the layers melt and here I am ....can't sleep, and contemplate soo much.
David jokes about going on a walk............. how I would like that. We could get so much out on the table, without saying all that much. How one stone, could be kicked several miles without realizing it had traveled the distance. It's been six years, since I last kicked stones. How by the end of the walk, all life's issues were done and buried. How I wish life were still that simple.
My mood as of late, just generally is my health. How can one simple health issue, that isn't life threatening be such a pain in the rear. (ha literally for those that know the problem) I am tired of taking so many diff. meds, and I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror, pretending tomorrow's the day, I'll stop, or start, and things will start their course.
I know that it all takes me at 100% of working towards the goal to do this. I falter, which isn't bad, because we all do, but seriously I can't.
It seems the second my head hits the pillow anymore I am asleep, but within the next two hours I am wide awake, and everything hits me at warp speed. Questions to answer, tasks to be done, and the tossing and turning begins.
I try to walk, but the pebbles aren't quite right, and the conversation just isnt' the same. Funny, because you've known this all along.
The church still sits vacant, still holds the stories, the laughter, tears, and fears, I sometimes wonder what it would feel like, if I started to talk there in silence. Would it remember, or would I feel you near.
The phone calls aren't the same. The jokes, the laughter, it's all there, but......... it's that stone. Or maybe that pat on the back.
I miss you
I realized from all this, I hold alot in, and do a damn good job of not showing the pressure. However, when I am by myself, the layers melt and here I am ....can't sleep, and contemplate soo much.
David jokes about going on a walk............. how I would like that. We could get so much out on the table, without saying all that much. How one stone, could be kicked several miles without realizing it had traveled the distance. It's been six years, since I last kicked stones. How by the end of the walk, all life's issues were done and buried. How I wish life were still that simple.
My mood as of late, just generally is my health. How can one simple health issue, that isn't life threatening be such a pain in the rear. (ha literally for those that know the problem) I am tired of taking so many diff. meds, and I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror, pretending tomorrow's the day, I'll stop, or start, and things will start their course.
I know that it all takes me at 100% of working towards the goal to do this. I falter, which isn't bad, because we all do, but seriously I can't.
It seems the second my head hits the pillow anymore I am asleep, but within the next two hours I am wide awake, and everything hits me at warp speed. Questions to answer, tasks to be done, and the tossing and turning begins.
I try to walk, but the pebbles aren't quite right, and the conversation just isnt' the same. Funny, because you've known this all along.
The church still sits vacant, still holds the stories, the laughter, tears, and fears, I sometimes wonder what it would feel like, if I started to talk there in silence. Would it remember, or would I feel you near.
The phone calls aren't the same. The jokes, the laughter, it's all there, but......... it's that stone. Or maybe that pat on the back.
I miss you
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Procrastination
I am in a lucid, antsy state today. Possible to be both? Everything seems to be closing in on me, but yet....everything so far away. So many things to do, and so many things to be done, that I am confident I have become the epitemy of a poster child for procrastination. In a race, and getting my ass kicked.
I don't regret what I need to do or what needs to be done. I obviously do it to myself, and in part a portion is getting ready for a wedding of two of my closest friends. So yeah, fun involved too. Minus the 5 hours of photos before the wedding though! And most likely tugging and pulling at the straps of my dress for 12 hours. (Maggie, you are worth it though!)
I want to leave, go on a drive, and forget about my adult responsibilities towards life this week, ahh how I want to be at my haven. The lake. A resort in the middle of Minnesota on the water, with endless inspirations at hand. Every direction, nature erupts into a postcard. Within that, every ounce of stress, every bad vibe, every notion of dark, seemingly melts away there. The waves hitting the beach, sand in between my toes, and shells of every shape and kind. Pebbles tossed in the lake, ahhh I so feel it now.
The wind in my hair, the way the sun engulfs the water to ribbons of velvet, and how the pounding of the waves to the boat, cradle me safe.
I can almost smell the campfire, a staple back at camp. It is always kindling, more so as dusk and into the midnight hours. The loons sing their song, and in the distance the moon scatters dust across the lake, like brilliant diamonds.
Ahh... I want to be there.
There is this strange high of just feels right, when I am there. It's my sanctuary. I can almost hear the cabin doors slamming, and the putter of the boat motors.
So yeah, Miss Procrastination herself, ME! is daydreaming again, but it aids in knowing I'll be there before the end of the year. At the time when the leaves are falling, and the earth turning cooler. I can't wait...
Till then, I have tasks at hand...
Later Bloggers
I don't regret what I need to do or what needs to be done. I obviously do it to myself, and in part a portion is getting ready for a wedding of two of my closest friends. So yeah, fun involved too. Minus the 5 hours of photos before the wedding though! And most likely tugging and pulling at the straps of my dress for 12 hours. (Maggie, you are worth it though!)
I want to leave, go on a drive, and forget about my adult responsibilities towards life this week, ahh how I want to be at my haven. The lake. A resort in the middle of Minnesota on the water, with endless inspirations at hand. Every direction, nature erupts into a postcard. Within that, every ounce of stress, every bad vibe, every notion of dark, seemingly melts away there. The waves hitting the beach, sand in between my toes, and shells of every shape and kind. Pebbles tossed in the lake, ahhh I so feel it now.
The wind in my hair, the way the sun engulfs the water to ribbons of velvet, and how the pounding of the waves to the boat, cradle me safe.
I can almost smell the campfire, a staple back at camp. It is always kindling, more so as dusk and into the midnight hours. The loons sing their song, and in the distance the moon scatters dust across the lake, like brilliant diamonds.
Ahh... I want to be there.
There is this strange high of just feels right, when I am there. It's my sanctuary. I can almost hear the cabin doors slamming, and the putter of the boat motors.
So yeah, Miss Procrastination herself, ME! is daydreaming again, but it aids in knowing I'll be there before the end of the year. At the time when the leaves are falling, and the earth turning cooler. I can't wait...
Till then, I have tasks at hand...
Later Bloggers
Me to You
What I want isnt' what I need,
I, me
he, she
him, her
real, reality
clap, grasp
hide and seek.
Here, there
speak, spoke
better, best
pen to paper, just formality
no joke.
rich, riches
gain, growth
a diamond in the rough.
clear, clarity
caught my eye
see, saw, mesmerized.
I am right, I am wrong,
strength, strong
fuzzy, foggy
settled, lazy
isolated, motivated.
saw me in yourself,
you know me all along.
I, me
he, she
him, her
real, reality
clap, grasp
hide and seek.
Here, there
speak, spoke
better, best
pen to paper, just formality
no joke.
rich, riches
gain, growth
a diamond in the rough.
clear, clarity
caught my eye
see, saw, mesmerized.
I am right, I am wrong,
strength, strong
fuzzy, foggy
settled, lazy
isolated, motivated.
saw me in yourself,
you know me all along.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Chasing shadows
You looked my way,
And when I spoke, nothing came out.
I could be lost, hurt, but needed.
I would be good, haven’t felt safe. But so secure in your direction.
Warm embrace
Tranquility washed anew
Sparkling
Dainty
I am lost but I know who I am
Flames ignite
Passion daunting
I am tossed
torn and hurt.
I see my reflection, catch my shadow embracing.
Cultivated by the memory, drawn in the tears,
I need no one.
And when I spoke, nothing came out.
I could be lost, hurt, but needed.
I would be good, haven’t felt safe. But so secure in your direction.
Warm embrace
Tranquility washed anew
Sparkling
Dainty
I am lost but I know who I am
Flames ignite
Passion daunting
I am tossed
torn and hurt.
I see my reflection, catch my shadow embracing.
Cultivated by the memory, drawn in the tears,
I need no one.
peppermints, and a slice of life
The other day I had stopped at the gas station to fill my car up with gas, and as I was waiting in line, this older gentleman behind me, was counting change out for his cup of coffee. Upon waiting, I couldn’t help but smile and take that moment in, he smelled of my grandfather; a faint smell of peppermint and fresh crisp laundry. When I pulled away from the station to my small drive to work, I thought of being a small child bouncing on my grandfathers knees, and although young, remembering his smell. It was many years ago, that he passed away, but that is something I wouldn’t forget.
Little things, precious things as such are what carry me through a day.
Small hand prints on a glass door, the smell after a spring rain, the way my niece kisses me, coke from a glass bottle, or when someone I care about says my name. It sends a tickle through my heart.
Lilacs in May picked and cut into mason jars, fresh lemon aid on a warm summer evening and postcards of friends summer destinations.
My hand being held, a clear summer night for star gazing, and a song I hear on the radio in the car I know every word to.
I remember holding the medal you got in Korea, and asking so many questions. I was young, and didn’t understand, but the familiar tuck of head to the shoulder, it didn’t matter. You always reminded me everything was better with grandma’s cake. Ironic, it still works.
The simplest things like grandmothers’ cake, still keep me going. No matter the event whether I attend or not, grandma brings me her cake, with a slice of advice.
Watching Fathers teach their daughters catch in the lawn, or a simple run through a sprinkler bring reflection. Having my hair combed by someone other than myself, and kisses on the forehead move me.
A text from a friend, just saying hello, and a phone call before bed just to tuck me in, mean more than they ever know.
You spent several hours putting mom’s kitchen set back together, so I could mimic grandma in the kitchen. You spent so much time taping and painting that old set back together, only to realize I had more fun with just a pot and a pan. Long after you passed on, that picture of me in front of the stove brings a comfort all its own.
Having a home cooked meal, a picnic on the lawn, or lunch with a friend, more simple pleasures.
Capturing the sun rise and set through my camera, laughter of a child mid stream, and catching the unexpected element on tape. Grandfather, you were the first to allow me to hold your camera and pushed me to an aspiring career of pictures of caterpillars, the sky and the occasional dreamer.
I was only eight when he passed away, but amazing what the mind allows us to remember. How keen our senses really are when they are heightened. If it had not been for that man waiting for his coffee, I wonder how long it would have been before I craved grandmother’s cake, or yearned for your memory.
Treasure what makes you smile…
Little things, precious things as such are what carry me through a day.
Small hand prints on a glass door, the smell after a spring rain, the way my niece kisses me, coke from a glass bottle, or when someone I care about says my name. It sends a tickle through my heart.
Lilacs in May picked and cut into mason jars, fresh lemon aid on a warm summer evening and postcards of friends summer destinations.
My hand being held, a clear summer night for star gazing, and a song I hear on the radio in the car I know every word to.
I remember holding the medal you got in Korea, and asking so many questions. I was young, and didn’t understand, but the familiar tuck of head to the shoulder, it didn’t matter. You always reminded me everything was better with grandma’s cake. Ironic, it still works.
The simplest things like grandmothers’ cake, still keep me going. No matter the event whether I attend or not, grandma brings me her cake, with a slice of advice.
Watching Fathers teach their daughters catch in the lawn, or a simple run through a sprinkler bring reflection. Having my hair combed by someone other than myself, and kisses on the forehead move me.
A text from a friend, just saying hello, and a phone call before bed just to tuck me in, mean more than they ever know.
You spent several hours putting mom’s kitchen set back together, so I could mimic grandma in the kitchen. You spent so much time taping and painting that old set back together, only to realize I had more fun with just a pot and a pan. Long after you passed on, that picture of me in front of the stove brings a comfort all its own.
Having a home cooked meal, a picnic on the lawn, or lunch with a friend, more simple pleasures.
Capturing the sun rise and set through my camera, laughter of a child mid stream, and catching the unexpected element on tape. Grandfather, you were the first to allow me to hold your camera and pushed me to an aspiring career of pictures of caterpillars, the sky and the occasional dreamer.
I was only eight when he passed away, but amazing what the mind allows us to remember. How keen our senses really are when they are heightened. If it had not been for that man waiting for his coffee, I wonder how long it would have been before I craved grandmother’s cake, or yearned for your memory.
Treasure what makes you smile…
Friday, August 17, 2007
Glass to Sand, Sand to Stone
I hold the assortment of my soul, hastily cupped in my palm.
Imagining what doesn’t fit or don’t belong.
Focusing so long every one softens and blends into another. There in the midst, my head and heart you belong.
Long before each particle existed alone, they were together.
I had comfort all my own.
Grains of sand cut at my body, burns my eyes. Blinking, blurry and stings, however I see clearly. The glass cuts, but no blood. The grain burns flesh, but no flames erupt.
Controlled, temperance, belonging, desire, dimensional freedom, I stand strong.
Aggressive assortment of emotion, I can’t just allow only one. Same said of pleasures, so many to choose from, but not a priority. I am lost in moment lost in expressive art I taste the raw desire of being. A cultivating articulated doubt, however, Allowed, bold, independent, but compassionate enough to allow the grains to mold and form its own story.
A path cleared enough to reach to mine. Breathtaking but feared all at the same time.
The glass may shatter again, the shards fall where they lie, fragile but strong enough to form anew.
Imagining what doesn’t fit or don’t belong.
Focusing so long every one softens and blends into another. There in the midst, my head and heart you belong.
Long before each particle existed alone, they were together.
I had comfort all my own.
Grains of sand cut at my body, burns my eyes. Blinking, blurry and stings, however I see clearly. The glass cuts, but no blood. The grain burns flesh, but no flames erupt.
Controlled, temperance, belonging, desire, dimensional freedom, I stand strong.
Aggressive assortment of emotion, I can’t just allow only one. Same said of pleasures, so many to choose from, but not a priority. I am lost in moment lost in expressive art I taste the raw desire of being. A cultivating articulated doubt, however, Allowed, bold, independent, but compassionate enough to allow the grains to mold and form its own story.
A path cleared enough to reach to mine. Breathtaking but feared all at the same time.
The glass may shatter again, the shards fall where they lie, fragile but strong enough to form anew.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I woke up last night to rain against the window, falling in a unique pattern almost splashing back up the panes of glass. Yes, tired but soon very restless, and unsettled. I wanted nothing more than to fall quietly back into peaceful sleep, but then I started to think of you. A smile came across my face, but then bewildered that I was thinking so far back, and why now, of all times. 4 a.m. I have three hours of sleep yet. I don't want to think of you, but then I hear the lyrics of the all to familiar song, and I contemplate pinching myself to make sure I am really awake. Yeah, I hear it.. "These tears I've cried, I've cried 1000 oceans, And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness Well, I can't believe that I would keep Keep you from flying And I would cry 1000 more If that's what it takes To sail you home Sail you home Sail you home..." At that I want nothing more than to hear you breathe, watch your chest rise and fall, follow your left hand cupped together, to hold you and breathe your scent in. We promised each other what one could give, each others happiness. A promise that wasn't broken, and well maintained. Short cuts to each others problems, and the familiar nod.... to finish each others sentences. The spaghetti race down the wall, or entangled dark showers. Power and privilege we joked, and then there you are at the foot of my bed. I can almost see you now. Not wanting to disturb me, and 12 kisses for every hour in each half of the day. Maybe it's the advice I seek, the simple nod of approval, the pillow to the head, or the longevity of the embrace. The rain fainted.. soft teardrops against the window, I am smiling. It's the comfort in this darkness, to know you are still soaring, still flying towards your goals, and that you have sailed, we both have sailed to our live portal.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Dancing to the off beat....
Do you ever propose questions to yourself of what ifs, you don't really want to happen, but know the reality of it is the conclusion for your own plot. I feel alot of times I am on the outside looking in, but when I am in the inside I want out, but look down and not up. Like saying good bye, when you know you'll see them tomorrow for a hello, or then the realization of the good bye, will really be the last goodbye. At least in the particular part of your life sequence or story line. I suppose the wind catching the door closed, but opening a window to a new beginning, is suffice to say for alot of reasons. The saying, "everything happens for a reason" true, but seriously it's like nails on a chalkboard. I cherish the advice of others, and I should listen more to the advice I give, but the saying about reasons, frankly is the last I want to hear. Again, most likely because there is meaning and truth behind it, but ...well I have no point. I could go around about this, but we've all heard the saying, and it's easy to accept, however hard to swallow.
I need to take more risks, I think for my own belief it will help clarify who I am. I may sink or swim, but I need to at least try. I am so comfortable in my own surroundings, I have cocooned comfort all my own. Which is great on one hand, but unfortunate on the other. I've limited some of who I am, to escape dancing to the beat of my own drummer. Trust me, I dance to my own "off" beat. I have been so welcomed by compliments by people who saw some of that while I was in college, and that makes me feel good. Chad, Amy (my DM), Kelly, Matthew, I thank my lucky stars for you backing me and pushing me to keep ever on. Each of you an instrumental part of who I am. Chad, who least knew of my work in college, but my mentor now. A constant and my sounding board. I mean who else really knows Remi? Amy, my DM my former roomie, constantly throwing out ideas, and forever longing for something new to fall asleep too. Our lives so similar in many ways at the time, she knew exactly what it meant. Kelly, a constant in my life, the one who never gave up on my passion as an artist. Who never allowed the light to dim altogether. You proved I have some fight left. Matthew, ahhh Matt, to this day, holds the Star Wars folder, a proud parent of a sort, of my news clippings, my chicken scratches, all my work. The right side, waiting for the break to cycle it's course and start over. I have something just for you, for that right side.
To my new friends and acquaintances Gina, Megan and Sam for allowing me to be myself, provide a pallet of a sort, and allowing me to ca tor to creative thought by sending you drafts. Sam, in addition for the canvas you brought to life through the camera lens. How, your work erupted vivid soul to form as quotes. You have an eye for raw beauty, often many escape in capturing or seeing at all.
Many ideas are floating, many I am pondering, and many are wrote in various forms on about six tablets. The door closed, the window is open, and there is justification in the reason, god allowed me to careen off the path I was on. Thanks to all of you for allowing me to be who I am, and more of who I am to follow.
I am off to dance!
I need to take more risks, I think for my own belief it will help clarify who I am. I may sink or swim, but I need to at least try. I am so comfortable in my own surroundings, I have cocooned comfort all my own. Which is great on one hand, but unfortunate on the other. I've limited some of who I am, to escape dancing to the beat of my own drummer. Trust me, I dance to my own "off" beat. I have been so welcomed by compliments by people who saw some of that while I was in college, and that makes me feel good. Chad, Amy (my DM), Kelly, Matthew, I thank my lucky stars for you backing me and pushing me to keep ever on. Each of you an instrumental part of who I am. Chad, who least knew of my work in college, but my mentor now. A constant and my sounding board. I mean who else really knows Remi? Amy, my DM my former roomie, constantly throwing out ideas, and forever longing for something new to fall asleep too. Our lives so similar in many ways at the time, she knew exactly what it meant. Kelly, a constant in my life, the one who never gave up on my passion as an artist. Who never allowed the light to dim altogether. You proved I have some fight left. Matthew, ahhh Matt, to this day, holds the Star Wars folder, a proud parent of a sort, of my news clippings, my chicken scratches, all my work. The right side, waiting for the break to cycle it's course and start over. I have something just for you, for that right side.
To my new friends and acquaintances Gina, Megan and Sam for allowing me to be myself, provide a pallet of a sort, and allowing me to ca tor to creative thought by sending you drafts. Sam, in addition for the canvas you brought to life through the camera lens. How, your work erupted vivid soul to form as quotes. You have an eye for raw beauty, often many escape in capturing or seeing at all.
Many ideas are floating, many I am pondering, and many are wrote in various forms on about six tablets. The door closed, the window is open, and there is justification in the reason, god allowed me to careen off the path I was on. Thanks to all of you for allowing me to be who I am, and more of who I am to follow.
I am off to dance!
Monday, August 13, 2007
drip drip, drip drop
So it's probably too premature to comment on the water issues at the casa, but I am going to anyway. I think for the most part everything is resolved. I owe my brother more than sisterly knowledge and alcohol. The thing is, he'd do it all over again. Probably not making sense with the water, but if you go to my blog on my my space page, it will make more sense. I had actually three separate water issues to contend with. First the office.... Which actually isn't my problem, but is in my office. The air conditioner is on the ceiling and the condensation hose wasn't hooked up properly, now we have a major ceiling problem and I am waiting for the ceiling to cave at any moment. The home, a copper pipe in my utility room sprung a leak, and being the weeny I am was not able to turn my water off, plus that would of course mean no water at all. So the brain child I am, used a five gallon bucket and put a large Rubbermaid tote underneath that to catch the water. The water before I realized it was such a issue, destroyed several things in my room, but nothing I couldn't live without. Every four hrs changing the water, wasn't a fun task. Jason, my bro came over and took care of the pipe. Thank god he's a plumber of a sort. The third would have been my family room in the basement had water. I thought first the window from the various hard down pours, however, after I spent numerous hours cleaning carpets I didn't have one good answer. Last night it rained hard again, and snap!!! water again in the basement. Thank god for my brother once again, (trust me the man has a halo!) It turned out the sand from my shingles caused a block in the gutters and the rain was falling over and hard in that one area my floor was wet. So Jason the saint he is, cleaned the gutters, and promises to bring over a pick up load of dirt to resettle. Long term....... probably will have to shingle the roof soon. Have I mentioned, I hate being a home owner? As of this second I am listening to the drip of water from the ceiling of my office into a trashcan. I don't think that sound will leave my head anytime soon.
I'll blog at you all later tonight
I'll blog at you all later tonight
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Sleepless
I had a sleepless night and now into the next morning, I wonder where the weekend began and ended. The condition of being so tired, you are restless and wired at the same time. I struggled so much for sleep last evening, that side effects included a broken vase on my nightstand, it took me a bit to unravel myself from the sheet, and several pillows ended up in places I hadn't realized a pillow could go. When is it when the body and the mind finally level and realize they both need rest?
Every tick, every drip, every crunch within the house and out become deafening. Left side, Right side, Stomach, Back, every position just as uncomfortable as the next. Oh, and why is it, when you are struggling so much for sleep, you start remembering everything you couldn't remember during the course of the day. A name of a person you saw, finally pops into your head, the title of the song finally rings true, and yeah, I was suppose to go to the post office today. But as you are tossing and turning, you don't want to get up and write down this stuff, for fear you will really wake up from the already weary state.
Somewhere in all that, I get to sleep, only to ask myself, did I really sleep, considering I remember watching a rerun of a infomercial, and still remember the song title. I know, if I really slept, I wouldn't have remembered such a thing.
One advantage to this past sleepless night, and what appears to be another (It's almost 1 a.m now) I sat on my deck for the first real time this summer. Curled up with a blanket, I watched every second of the sun rise. It was priceless to say the least. Watching the sun rise, was worth watching the alarm clock all night. The simple progression, the awakening of this saturday was somewhat like those flip books you had as a child. The one's you flick with your thumb and watch the events unravel from beginning to end in just a matter of seconds. Only with the sun rise, it was a matter of minutes that seemed like seconds, and you weren't able to flip and start over.... at least not until the next 24 hrs.
So, folks, I am off to try this again, sleep that is. I guess its a nice consolation knowing I can watch the sun rise if I can't sleep. Try it, I dare you.... Give yourself the gift to watch the sun rise wholly. Not while you are getting ready for work, or sitting at the kitchen table checking your email or reading the newspaper, or even driving to work, sit down, and watch every movement in the sky. Believe me, it's well worth your time.
Blessings!
Every tick, every drip, every crunch within the house and out become deafening. Left side, Right side, Stomach, Back, every position just as uncomfortable as the next. Oh, and why is it, when you are struggling so much for sleep, you start remembering everything you couldn't remember during the course of the day. A name of a person you saw, finally pops into your head, the title of the song finally rings true, and yeah, I was suppose to go to the post office today. But as you are tossing and turning, you don't want to get up and write down this stuff, for fear you will really wake up from the already weary state.
Somewhere in all that, I get to sleep, only to ask myself, did I really sleep, considering I remember watching a rerun of a infomercial, and still remember the song title. I know, if I really slept, I wouldn't have remembered such a thing.
One advantage to this past sleepless night, and what appears to be another (It's almost 1 a.m now) I sat on my deck for the first real time this summer. Curled up with a blanket, I watched every second of the sun rise. It was priceless to say the least. Watching the sun rise, was worth watching the alarm clock all night. The simple progression, the awakening of this saturday was somewhat like those flip books you had as a child. The one's you flick with your thumb and watch the events unravel from beginning to end in just a matter of seconds. Only with the sun rise, it was a matter of minutes that seemed like seconds, and you weren't able to flip and start over.... at least not until the next 24 hrs.
So, folks, I am off to try this again, sleep that is. I guess its a nice consolation knowing I can watch the sun rise if I can't sleep. Try it, I dare you.... Give yourself the gift to watch the sun rise wholly. Not while you are getting ready for work, or sitting at the kitchen table checking your email or reading the newspaper, or even driving to work, sit down, and watch every movement in the sky. Believe me, it's well worth your time.
Blessings!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Breaking the Ice
So this is my first blog on an actual blogging site, and I almost feel pressured. As if I have my former college professor looking over my shoulder with that familiar sigh and nod. The faint smell of old cigarette smoke, and coffee breath comes to mind. At least I am not graded this time around, or feel all eyes on me. So yeah breaking the ice... to say the least. Maybe to myself as a personal gesture of pushing myself to express more of what I am about, or to the sorry saps I have entertained to read what my banter may be.
Chad, my first fan and my cheerleader. Or maybe more of a writing recruiter kicking me into shape and keep me going. Also thank god, he is wonderful with all this web stuff, or I would still be searching the www on really how to do this.
I will forewarn anyone that reads this that writing expresses emotion, and at times I may write about human interest that I will pour my heart and soul into, politics that may have me ranting on a soap box, or just randomness. Which yeah.. I know I know.. that is the purpose of blogging. However, I will warn, when I get into a subject that gets me fired up, all purpose of grammar flies out the window. Correct Kelly? As a certain photo brings out soul in the subject manner, I hope at times I can do just that in writing..... Of course all for entertainment and life purposes only.
I am trying to decide if this constitutes as my first blog, or if I need another go at it. Ahh.. trust me, there will be plenty of catching up and plenty of who I am to follow. So with that, I think I'll keep everyone in suspense.
I've had an interesting week, and alot of canvas before me.
With that.... I leave you till next time
Chad, my first fan and my cheerleader. Or maybe more of a writing recruiter kicking me into shape and keep me going. Also thank god, he is wonderful with all this web stuff, or I would still be searching the www on really how to do this.
I will forewarn anyone that reads this that writing expresses emotion, and at times I may write about human interest that I will pour my heart and soul into, politics that may have me ranting on a soap box, or just randomness. Which yeah.. I know I know.. that is the purpose of blogging. However, I will warn, when I get into a subject that gets me fired up, all purpose of grammar flies out the window. Correct Kelly? As a certain photo brings out soul in the subject manner, I hope at times I can do just that in writing..... Of course all for entertainment and life purposes only.
I am trying to decide if this constitutes as my first blog, or if I need another go at it. Ahh.. trust me, there will be plenty of catching up and plenty of who I am to follow. So with that, I think I'll keep everyone in suspense.
I've had an interesting week, and alot of canvas before me.
With that.... I leave you till next time
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