I sing the blues...

Today I got off Pamida early, and although I was tired, I was restless.
I noticed alot of cars on my block, but didn't think too much of it. Until I could hear muffled voices close, thinking it was the neighbors I peer out. Realizing a gaggle of people on the block were talking in the middle of my yard. So yes, the nosy person I am. I cracked the window open, to hear about the holiday's, the weather, sports, and then me. Yeah, what I come to realize, I am the black sheep the outsider. God Bless my neighbor, who gave what she knew about me, and all truth, but then the cut...... I wasn't invited to a neighborhood birthday party because I didn't have children, and there is no way I could relate. Then it hit me.......I will never fit in, because of who I am. Not that I care in the neighborhood realm of things, but what in turn, it made me realize.... People really don't know the real me. 1/2 my fault, but so seriously misread.
I hit the end of a holiday on a sour note..........

I am blessed by you....

Well on the eve of Thanksgiving, a special day to be thankful. I am so blessed by so many things, that I am scared to start listing, because I am wary of forgetting someone, but here is goes.
My mother, my icon, my strength, and my idol. She is a woman of so many strengths, that if I am half of her, at 50, I will be honored.
My father, although we argue, and we are both stubborn, he taught me to never back down. I will forever be his little girl.
Jason, my brother, I am sincerely blessed by your many talents and your passion for life.
Jeremy, my brother, who fought the odds at a young age and won, who in turn brought me Kari, a sister I never had.
Grandma Sten, I am blessed by all your will, all that you taught me, and how you allowed me to grow, you've seen it all, and never gave up faith in mankind.
Olivia, my soul sister, my best friend, I wouldn't have made it through the past 15 years without you, the blessing of being so far apart, but never far from thought.
Kelly, every day I thank all of who I am for you. That fateful day in the wake of May, you brought me to surface, and held the light. You know me inside and out. No one knows me the way you do.
Joshua, I am blessed to have known what love enfolds, to have loved you and privileged to still be your friend.
Megan, Gina, and Stacey, I am blessed to have you there through our antics, our games, our tears, and our misgivings. Our friendship and spirit will get us through anything.
Sam, a man I haven't known my whole life, and can trust. I am blessed to have met you, and know you through all your sights.
Maggie and Joe, Through the thick, and through the thin, the m &m's and intervention, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
Jonathan and David, I am so blessed by your advice, your compassion and your will to find me the man! I love you guys!
Ali, my music Goo Ru! Wow, what can I say, we have great taste in music, but we have great taste in friendships too!
Jason, one of the only men to see me cry, and literally catch my tears. The man that inspired me to dance to a diff. tune, to beg the fun Amy to evolve, and to always be there for me.
Hannah, my beloved niece, I am so blessed by you, your smile, your giggle, your presence, engulfs a smile that wholly shines.
Chad, my writing and music man, my advice giver and keeper of thoughts. I am blessed WSC allowed us the privilege of getting to know one another, and blessed the Internet/my space brought us back.
Natasha, my little angel. I am blessed by the amount of energy you have, and how just seeing you gets me through the roughest day.
Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends...
Love and Blessings
Amy

SUFFOCATE

HOPE TOYS WITH ME, TETHERING ON STAR DUST. I SCREAM AT THE TOPS OF MY LUNGS, AND I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT UNDERSTANDS.
I HAVE A PLAN, A GREAT ONE. I HAVE A DREAM, IT'S A SMALL ONE. I WISH, BUT LIKE MY HOPE IT IS BRUSHED IN STAR DUST.
IF I COULD TURN BACK THE YEARS, LEARN TO STAND UP, OR KNOW WHAT I SAY. I AM AN EMOTIONAL DISARRAY, MY HEAD HURTS. I THINK UGLY, I HURT AND YOU LIKE IT THAT WAY.
I WANT TO WALK AWAY, I HAVE WALKED AWAY, BUT THEN I STAY.
NEVER TOGETHER, NEVER APART. THIS IS MORE THAN JUST WORDS, MORE THAN EMOTION. I CAN SMILE AND CRY AT THE SAME TIME.
PLEASE ABOLISH MY MEMORY, ATTAIN A NEW DIRECTION.
I HAVE SUFFOCATED.

it's a new month

thrown away from you
i bounce back
a deep desire, i've let myself fall for.

i assure i am the one, the complete in the smile
the warmth in a once cold embrace.

raindrops to tears
lives to fear

fingertips eloquently tangle the ivory
i envision the music loud and poetic.

to stay, to run, to fall, or spring
i can't remember the season i awakened to last.

the speak in what was spoken, i know i will and shall forever be okay.

tomorrow, lives not for yesterday
but tomorrow is lived for, for today.