I prayed for an angel, a person to take me away.
teach me to fly, believe in something.
A lil bit of song, breathes words in my ear.
I am pulled from the dark, and put somewhere in the middle.
dream caught me
halfway through flight
sunset followed by
the tunneled light of youth
like silver skinned minnows
in moonlight shadows
tortured by self loathing
listening for the raven to cry.
I bounce back, the dark gets lighter.
I am half heartily existing
in what we call reality
the song remains playing
I am somewhere in the refrain.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
OVERTURE
a simple mistake,
i feel alienated
trifled by fate, not fear.
i am aware, i am cold,
lack of voice,
i hear noises.
my memory cloudy
i am miles away from where i should be.
i pray you pick me up
set me down in the calm.
my head pounds
it penetrates the silence,
i am still holding on,
i suspect i do not know what for.
the wind rips, tears into my skin,
there; in this weakened state, you are there.
your hand outstretched, waiting.
my eyes have deceived me before,
i reach for you,
for your touch,
your presence
your being.
my heart half empty, have full.
my mind tugging with emotion.
i stand cowardly, my mind reeling.
i reach for you....
i feel alienated
trifled by fate, not fear.
i am aware, i am cold,
lack of voice,
i hear noises.
my memory cloudy
i am miles away from where i should be.
i pray you pick me up
set me down in the calm.
my head pounds
it penetrates the silence,
i am still holding on,
i suspect i do not know what for.
the wind rips, tears into my skin,
there; in this weakened state, you are there.
your hand outstretched, waiting.
my eyes have deceived me before,
i reach for you,
for your touch,
your presence
your being.
my heart half empty, have full.
my mind tugging with emotion.
i stand cowardly, my mind reeling.
i reach for you....
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
So it's been awhile... Ah my dearest blog, sits empty. Eagerly anticipating something, anything at this point. It's been almost two months since I wrote. So much longer in all other aspects of my life. Unless you consider and count the arbitrary things, such as bills, a card, a note to staff, a missed phone message to my boss. Frankly.. it's been a while. My dear friend Chad, has probably been waving the white flag of surrender to any hope that I will ever send him anything. I am sorry. A valiant effort, I hope to succeed soon. Just don't give up on me.
I know it doesn't matter to anyone if I have anything posted, but this used to be something that came second nature to me. Now I force myself, to think of anything noteworthy.
Since the new year, I feel I've been in a race, I'm still running, but being constantly lapped. I stay focused, but for all the wrong reasons, and the focus..well it's blurry at times. I seem to eat, breathe and sleep work anymore. Granted, I am blessed I have good jobs, and it does pay the bills, but sanity is just a state anymore.
My job is great, but is it so great, it interferes with all facets of my life? My passions are but a daydream, and my energy is zapped.
I was told just the other day, "Any day you wake up, is a good day!" I do believe that, but what happens when you just want to stay in bed?
HA----To prove my point, this was wrote around the first of the year, and I am going to attempt to finish it.
By rereading it is evident things have not changed, I am still busy, and I am still dreaming of my new comfy pillow, silky sheets, and slumber. I am almost certain I think of sleep at least ten times a day. Yet, when I am ready for bed, it is not at all what I had imagined. I seem to toss and turn aimlessly, and dream like a crazy person.
Ah good intentions, but wasted endeavors. I want to write, I try to write, but come up empty handed. I used to be good at it, or should I say good at least putting words to paper/screen.
Yeah, pretty certain I am still in that above mentioned race, but at this point I am walking. I will finish, but it won't be pretty.
I will be better blogger, I guarantee it! (I am not promising this time though!)
I know it doesn't matter to anyone if I have anything posted, but this used to be something that came second nature to me. Now I force myself, to think of anything noteworthy.
Since the new year, I feel I've been in a race, I'm still running, but being constantly lapped. I stay focused, but for all the wrong reasons, and the focus..well it's blurry at times. I seem to eat, breathe and sleep work anymore. Granted, I am blessed I have good jobs, and it does pay the bills, but sanity is just a state anymore.
My job is great, but is it so great, it interferes with all facets of my life? My passions are but a daydream, and my energy is zapped.
I was told just the other day, "Any day you wake up, is a good day!" I do believe that, but what happens when you just want to stay in bed?
HA----To prove my point, this was wrote around the first of the year, and I am going to attempt to finish it.
By rereading it is evident things have not changed, I am still busy, and I am still dreaming of my new comfy pillow, silky sheets, and slumber. I am almost certain I think of sleep at least ten times a day. Yet, when I am ready for bed, it is not at all what I had imagined. I seem to toss and turn aimlessly, and dream like a crazy person.
Ah good intentions, but wasted endeavors. I want to write, I try to write, but come up empty handed. I used to be good at it, or should I say good at least putting words to paper/screen.
Yeah, pretty certain I am still in that above mentioned race, but at this point I am walking. I will finish, but it won't be pretty.
I will be better blogger, I guarantee it! (I am not promising this time though!)
This time for real
i've seen enough, i've heard enough
it will never be enough.
what will i need to do?
this is the leaving, whats left of me and you.
my last bag packed, the wounds yet to heal, i stand steady....
this time for real.
i look for you, but i know.
on the wall,the frame
the photograph that binds us
smugly aware it was all for show.
the tick tock, the mantel clock time displays defeat.
just one last tryst a pass by the home, of two lives together, but all alone.
the drip drip drop, the faucet echos in a hollow kitchen,
a loveless meal.
i needed your help, i needed sense of direction
something of some sort or any attention.
relationships; make you crazy, make you cry.
make you meager, a beggar a disarray to disguise.
the newspaper sits by your arm chair stand,
your shirt starched and pristine.
however, for the last time.
what was thought to be love, all but turned out to be wool covering the bleeting of the proverbial lamb to slaughter.
I slam the door, for lasting impact, a little self release.
The click clack of heels on pavement, the sound of not looking back
this time for real
it will never be enough.
what will i need to do?
this is the leaving, whats left of me and you.
my last bag packed, the wounds yet to heal, i stand steady....
this time for real.
i look for you, but i know.
on the wall,the frame
the photograph that binds us
smugly aware it was all for show.
the tick tock, the mantel clock time displays defeat.
just one last tryst a pass by the home, of two lives together, but all alone.
the drip drip drop, the faucet echos in a hollow kitchen,
a loveless meal.
i needed your help, i needed sense of direction
something of some sort or any attention.
relationships; make you crazy, make you cry.
make you meager, a beggar a disarray to disguise.
the newspaper sits by your arm chair stand,
your shirt starched and pristine.
however, for the last time.
what was thought to be love, all but turned out to be wool covering the bleeting of the proverbial lamb to slaughter.
I slam the door, for lasting impact, a little self release.
The click clack of heels on pavement, the sound of not looking back
this time for real
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